Ha, doesn't that title sound important!
So today I turned on the tube while I enjoyed my morning dose of caffeine and experienced the full range of emotions in the mere span of 30 minutes...it was wild! What a way to jumpstart the day (not that I recommend starting your day with tv). The View was on whatever channel I turned it on to, and since I'd never actually watched that show, I thought I'd take in a little View. First thing I see is a "report" on a new type of liposuction called Mini Lipo (or something like that). Keeping in mind that I'm still sort of in that just-woke-up zone, in the hot-coffee-is-SOOO-good zone, I'm watching this report on mini lipo with incredulity (is that a word?) that just keeps growing and growing...they're interviewing a doctor who does this - although interviewing should be used loosely as they barely let him talk at all after about 30 seconds of this report - and then showing the audience the ladies who had this done. First lady up had liposuction on her ankles...yes, you read that right, on her ANKLES. She was worried that she had cankles... I thought that Bawbawa Walters had it right when she interrupted the doctor and this lovely cankle-obsessed woman to ask if this procedure was not just a little frivolous...ludicrous is what I'd call it! The woman's ankles didn't even look any different I didn't think. So there was the first emotion of the day: incredibly incredulous (whew, what a mouthful)...moving on, next comes a commercial on Alzheimers that made me cry...not just tear up, actually cry. That's amazingly sappy I know, but this commercial was so well done! You just wanted the little old guy to remember things...sad news. Ok, so we have incredulous to sad. Next comes the View back on with a report on a new horror flick called The Descent (I think). They showed a clip of the movie and I jumped about 3 feet when the bad guys came into view...which is saying a lot as I was sitting in my usual curled-up-in-a-corner-of-a-big-fluffy-chair posture (hard to jump when you're curled up). We all know that I'm a big wienie (how DO you spell that?) when it comes to scary movies, but still, this is a clip of a scary movie, being shown on morning television...at least nobody was there to see me nearly toss the coffee across the white carpet at the bad guys' appearance! So, from incredulous to sad to afraid...next up is a commercial about the weather guy on one of the news stations here...a commercial which I'm sad to say (for his sake) reminded me so poignantly of Brick, off Anchorman. Which made me relive some of the more wonderful Anchorman scenes, which led to laughing out loud. Another moment in which I was glad nobody was watching, as laughing out loud at apparently...uh...nothing...is not always appreciated by bystanders. Fortunately I don't care too much what the bystanders think, because I often laugh out loud at something that's occurring in my brain only. The point is however, that I made it from amazed to teary to frightened to laughing out loud between the long hours of 10:29 - 10:50 am...or so. Whew, what a morning : ).
Monday, July 31, 2006
Friday, July 28, 2006
Ay ay ay
First, I still have no idea what was wrong with this blog...it still looks normal to me, apparently not to others...sorry about that. Maybe it will fix itself? One can hope : ).
So I was working on today's study in Breaking Free - Beth Moore - and came across a dilemma. She was talking about peace being an attribute of being free (sorry Mel, I'm still on week 2! not catching up so fast after all...) and said something that caught my attention...which I'm going to paraphrase because I don't have the study in front of me at the moment. She pointed out that sometimes we become aware of peace, the real kind as opposed to the fleeting kind, when we stop asking "Why" about the events in our lives, accepting instead that God is sovereign. So I agree that asking "Why" can be a deterrent to peace...but just how do you stop asking? I'm sure that it isn't just me that feels such a need to understand the purpose behind what God allows to go on in my life...but it's occurring to me that I don't even know how to really accept that I cannot, and will not, understand everything. I don't mean everything as in the entirety of the body of knowledge of all mankind...ha, that would be a feat!...but I mean everything as in understanding why things happen. Sometimes I drive myself nuts thinking and rethinking and then thinking some more about what has gone on in the past year and how I may or may not have been the cause of it all and how it has changed my life for the better or worse...all basically a cry that says "WHY?" I realized today that though I think that I accept God is sovereign, I think that I can mess things up, not follow the path He has set out for me... somewhere between God being 'Setter of Sarah's destiny' and free will, I get lost. So how do you stop asking Why?, how do you reconcile our sin and bad choices with God's perfect plan for our lives, how do you accept the tough things without knowing, maybe ever, the purpose behind them?
And now, just to end on a slightly more positive note, some quotes that I've run across and loved lately:
"When we've come into God's grace, every day is lived fully and wonderfully - sometimes His grace allows us to enjoy what happens and sometimes His grace allows us to endure what happens." Graham Cook (?)
"You stir man to take pleasure in praising You, because You have made us for Yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in You." St. Augustine
"I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest- I would flee far away and stay in the desert; Selah
I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm." Psalm 55:6-8
So I was working on today's study in Breaking Free - Beth Moore - and came across a dilemma. She was talking about peace being an attribute of being free (sorry Mel, I'm still on week 2! not catching up so fast after all...) and said something that caught my attention...which I'm going to paraphrase because I don't have the study in front of me at the moment. She pointed out that sometimes we become aware of peace, the real kind as opposed to the fleeting kind, when we stop asking "Why" about the events in our lives, accepting instead that God is sovereign. So I agree that asking "Why" can be a deterrent to peace...but just how do you stop asking? I'm sure that it isn't just me that feels such a need to understand the purpose behind what God allows to go on in my life...but it's occurring to me that I don't even know how to really accept that I cannot, and will not, understand everything. I don't mean everything as in the entirety of the body of knowledge of all mankind...ha, that would be a feat!...but I mean everything as in understanding why things happen. Sometimes I drive myself nuts thinking and rethinking and then thinking some more about what has gone on in the past year and how I may or may not have been the cause of it all and how it has changed my life for the better or worse...all basically a cry that says "WHY?" I realized today that though I think that I accept God is sovereign, I think that I can mess things up, not follow the path He has set out for me... somewhere between God being 'Setter of Sarah's destiny' and free will, I get lost. So how do you stop asking Why?, how do you reconcile our sin and bad choices with God's perfect plan for our lives, how do you accept the tough things without knowing, maybe ever, the purpose behind them?
And now, just to end on a slightly more positive note, some quotes that I've run across and loved lately:
"When we've come into God's grace, every day is lived fully and wonderfully - sometimes His grace allows us to enjoy what happens and sometimes His grace allows us to endure what happens." Graham Cook (?)
"You stir man to take pleasure in praising You, because You have made us for Yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in You." St. Augustine
"I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest- I would flee far away and stay in the desert; Selah
I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm." Psalm 55:6-8
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Messed Up...
So I'm hearing that this blog is way messed up...don't know what I did or how to fix it...so I'm going to try just putting the current blog on view - see if that takes away some of the layers...maybe. So if you can read this and it looks normal, send me a comment so I know!
Weird...yeah.
Weird...yeah.
Monday, July 24, 2006
not a real post...
Friday, July 21, 2006
Whoo hoo for Kenya
I was looking through some cd's of photos from Kenya that some of the other volunteers mailed to me and found these fun pictures...
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Posting is FUN!
Lots of posts lately...guess being in Lubbock must make me feel like sharing my thoughts...ha, or not.
So today I went to 9:30 for church and then picked a random lifestyle group to go to which turned out to be really great as far as the discussion we had. The first question that our leader asked us to think about was "Think of 2 or 3 accomplisments you'd like to have done by the time you die...accomplishments or character traits" and the second was "How are you working to make those happen?"
It was so interesting to hear what the others had to say and I am still thinking about what I have to say....you know, we think about the future all the time, but I don't ever really think that far in the future...and I rarely think in terms of how I'm going to accomplish what I want. Something that suprised me was that almost every single guy in the group said that he wanted to be a good father and husband - which is great, don't misunderstand me, I think that's so admirable - but for some reason i just didn't think that guys (in general) think about that kind of stuff. I was very impressed. I had to laugh though - being a good wife and mother never even occurred to me when I was trying to think of answers to Brandon's questions...ay ay ay.
So, here are some of my goals, all with the far off deadline of death:
* To be an outstanding teacher...the kind that you still remember from like3rd grade who really changed your life.... I am trying to accomplish that by 1) starting my first job(!) and 2) recognizing that I need to continuously learn from other people around me, from books, from conferences, etc.
* To see the world (the WHOLE thing!).... I am trying to accomplish that by making the most of the opportunities for travel that come my way.
* To be financially stable, in such a way that I don't have to worry about money.... I am about to start getting real paychecks and I need to commit to a budget...gross, but I gotta do it.
* To know how to talk to people...to be a better friend to people.... This is a tough one, sometimes I think God forgot to install the normal social know-how in me...but I am working on it by watching how people interact, by trying to venture outside my comfort zone and talk to people
*and my favorite goal: To still be laughing when I die... Sounds a little odd, but I want to be overflowing with joy as I'm dying... I don't want to be one of those older folks who are so sober, embittered with life - I want to still be laughing to tears and often! So how do I accomplish this? I think that I continuously remind myself who the inventor of joy is (that would be God), remembering that he supplies joy no matter the circumstances in life.
So what are your goals? And just how are you going to accomplish them?
And to end this, the verse we read today that was so...woah..."You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3
So today I went to 9:30 for church and then picked a random lifestyle group to go to which turned out to be really great as far as the discussion we had. The first question that our leader asked us to think about was "Think of 2 or 3 accomplisments you'd like to have done by the time you die...accomplishments or character traits" and the second was "How are you working to make those happen?"
It was so interesting to hear what the others had to say and I am still thinking about what I have to say....you know, we think about the future all the time, but I don't ever really think that far in the future...and I rarely think in terms of how I'm going to accomplish what I want. Something that suprised me was that almost every single guy in the group said that he wanted to be a good father and husband - which is great, don't misunderstand me, I think that's so admirable - but for some reason i just didn't think that guys (in general) think about that kind of stuff. I was very impressed. I had to laugh though - being a good wife and mother never even occurred to me when I was trying to think of answers to Brandon's questions...ay ay ay.
So, here are some of my goals, all with the far off deadline of death:
* To be an outstanding teacher...the kind that you still remember from like3rd grade who really changed your life.... I am trying to accomplish that by 1) starting my first job(!) and 2) recognizing that I need to continuously learn from other people around me, from books, from conferences, etc.
* To see the world (the WHOLE thing!).... I am trying to accomplish that by making the most of the opportunities for travel that come my way.
* To be financially stable, in such a way that I don't have to worry about money.... I am about to start getting real paychecks and I need to commit to a budget...gross, but I gotta do it.
* To know how to talk to people...to be a better friend to people.... This is a tough one, sometimes I think God forgot to install the normal social know-how in me...but I am working on it by watching how people interact, by trying to venture outside my comfort zone and talk to people
*and my favorite goal: To still be laughing when I die... Sounds a little odd, but I want to be overflowing with joy as I'm dying... I don't want to be one of those older folks who are so sober, embittered with life - I want to still be laughing to tears and often! So how do I accomplish this? I think that I continuously remind myself who the inventor of joy is (that would be God), remembering that he supplies joy no matter the circumstances in life.
So what are your goals? And just how are you going to accomplish them?
And to end this, the verse we read today that was so...woah..."You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Suenos
So I've been playing with my computer...trying to figure out just what exactly is on here....and have discovered that I have several random videos and songs and pictures (that I did not put on here). One of them is Alanis Morisette's "Everything" video - which I watched as I hadn't seen it before. She's singing to someone who loves her (I assume) and one of the lines in the chorus says (more or less)
"You see everything...you know all my light...and you love all my dark"
and I think that kinda says what I dream about from some future love. I want him to know my light and my dark, and to love me with both...not that I want him to think my vices are just fantastic (in fact I want him to spur me on, to challenge me to become better), but I don't want to think that he might say adios because of a flaw in me.
I know these thoughts are not new...probably every girl on the earth (and boy too maybe) wishes to be loved for the light and dark in us...but I thought ol' Alanis sang it well and, as I have recently been in the midst of that longing-for-marriage state that going to a wedding sometimes causes, I had to muse about the light and dark out loud.... So after going to Sarah's (the best friend) wedding, being pretty involved with it since about February, I suffered a serious bout of wish-I-was-married. I am happy (and relieved) to say that I think I have made it through that particular illness...am mostly back to the little-more-content-with-the-current-state-of-things (aka the extremely single life) attitude. I think... (and I'm sure the friends and family who've been around me for the last 2 weeks would like for me to be to be done with that funk too! ha! sorry!).
"You see everything...you know all my light...and you love all my dark"
and I think that kinda says what I dream about from some future love. I want him to know my light and my dark, and to love me with both...not that I want him to think my vices are just fantastic (in fact I want him to spur me on, to challenge me to become better), but I don't want to think that he might say adios because of a flaw in me.
I know these thoughts are not new...probably every girl on the earth (and boy too maybe) wishes to be loved for the light and dark in us...but I thought ol' Alanis sang it well and, as I have recently been in the midst of that longing-for-marriage state that going to a wedding sometimes causes, I had to muse about the light and dark out loud.... So after going to Sarah's (the best friend) wedding, being pretty involved with it since about February, I suffered a serious bout of wish-I-was-married. I am happy (and relieved) to say that I think I have made it through that particular illness...am mostly back to the little-more-content-with-the-current-state-of-things (aka the extremely single life) attitude. I think... (and I'm sure the friends and family who've been around me for the last 2 weeks would like for me to be to be done with that funk too! ha! sorry!).
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
dust bowl central
Exciting things in my life:
-I am typing this on a brand new oh-so-fantastic computer!
-I am visiting friends in Lubbuttock this week and that is SO nice!
-I worked out a general scheme for teaching Earth Science this year...just the big topics, not the actual lessons...but a major accomplishment
-Yesterday I was really bummed (just not so hot about life in general kind of moodiness) but Emily Louise so encouraged me that I woke up today thinking that everything is going to be ok
-My little friend Makenna called me Aunt Sarah yesterday and Tracen can sort of say Sarah, that made me smile!
Things not so exciting:
-Why do I struggle so often with knowing that God will make everything ok - will work out everything for his glory and my good - and yet feeling like I have somehow messed everything up, or that I am missing something and all is not as it should be right this second?
-I have realized that, despite being way excited about being employed and getting to teach, I am also completely terrified about it...and I start Aug. 4! That's soon!
-Realizing too that God has placed me in el hometown at the moment (I realized on the drive up to Lubbock that not one single school district that I applied for in Texas has responded to me), and that that is good in so many ways, but that I am going to be forced to get outside myself and continue to learn to be a friend - and ridiculous as it sounds, that is so difficult for me...and I am so often fighting thoughts of wanting to be back in Lubbock where I have friends, or wanting to be one of those married folk that seem to surround me these days, or even just not being grateful for how my parents have let me live at home, wishing I could have my own space - all basically a total disregard for where God has placed me right now...ugh, makes me want to throw things at myself! How is it that God has brought me through such a rough year to peace and joy and trusting him (more than I did at least) and yet, I whine? When does head knowledge really transfer to heart knowledge?
-I am typing this on a brand new oh-so-fantastic computer!
-I am visiting friends in Lubbuttock this week and that is SO nice!
-I worked out a general scheme for teaching Earth Science this year...just the big topics, not the actual lessons...but a major accomplishment
-Yesterday I was really bummed (just not so hot about life in general kind of moodiness) but Emily Louise so encouraged me that I woke up today thinking that everything is going to be ok
-My little friend Makenna called me Aunt Sarah yesterday and Tracen can sort of say Sarah, that made me smile!
Things not so exciting:
-Why do I struggle so often with knowing that God will make everything ok - will work out everything for his glory and my good - and yet feeling like I have somehow messed everything up, or that I am missing something and all is not as it should be right this second?
-I have realized that, despite being way excited about being employed and getting to teach, I am also completely terrified about it...and I start Aug. 4! That's soon!
-Realizing too that God has placed me in el hometown at the moment (I realized on the drive up to Lubbock that not one single school district that I applied for in Texas has responded to me), and that that is good in so many ways, but that I am going to be forced to get outside myself and continue to learn to be a friend - and ridiculous as it sounds, that is so difficult for me...and I am so often fighting thoughts of wanting to be back in Lubbock where I have friends, or wanting to be one of those married folk that seem to surround me these days, or even just not being grateful for how my parents have let me live at home, wishing I could have my own space - all basically a total disregard for where God has placed me right now...ugh, makes me want to throw things at myself! How is it that God has brought me through such a rough year to peace and joy and trusting him (more than I did at least) and yet, I whine? When does head knowledge really transfer to heart knowledge?
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