There's a place of quiet rest,
A place where sin cannot molest,
Near to the heart of God.
There's a place of comfort sweet,
A place where we our Savior meet,
Near to the heart of God
There's a place of full release,
A place where all is joy and peace,
Near to the heart of God.
Those are the lyrics (more or less, trying to remember) to a song from the Lullabies album by Page CXVI that I've listened to a ton and found a lot of comfort in. If you haven't heard Page CXVI, and you like hymns, you should check them out. You can get a ton of their music for free on Noisetrade this month in fact. Yay for Noisetrade! http://noisetrade.com/pageandautumn/
I ordered the album the day I miscarried, and I listened to it a ton that next day. All the songs are great, but that last song just really hit a chord - a place of quiet rest, where all is joy and peace, where sin can't get and ruin. I want to be there, and my little one is there. He or she bypassed this world to go straight to that place near the heart of God. What a comforting thought!
Quite a few people have mentioned having friends that have had a miscarriage and not knowing how to respond or encourage, so I thought it might be helpful to write about how we were (and continue to be) loved by our friends and family in this season of sadness. I definitely didn't know how to respond when a friend of mine had a miscarriage last summer, and I don't think that's an uncommon thing, despite miscarriages being so common. I had no idea that they were so common until discovering in these last few months that so many women that I know have had one.
So, here are some things people did for us that held us up. A friend brought dinner over the day after, and she, having had a miscarriage, knew that I was a mess and probably didn't want to actually talk to anyone yet, so she brought dinner and left it on the porch - just sent me a message saying that dinner was there. She left a sweet and very encouraging note with scripture in it taped to dinner, but her thoughtfulness in leaving it without asking me to be presentable was a gift. Another friend made dinner for us a few weeks later, and although it wasn't that I couldn't make dinner like when you're sick or just had a baby, it was so encouraging to know that we were loved, that someone would take the time to make us food and bring it over, and that we were being prayed for. My mom called every day for that first week and prayed with me and just listened. My best friend also prayed for me over the phone, and those prayers were hugely comforting and uplifting. My parents-in-law offered sweet hugs that next weekend when we had to travel for a wedding, and nobody mentioned anything at the wedding, which was a gift because I was not ready to talk about it and was still on the verge of tears at that point. My sister-in-law, who also had a miscarriage, has been super sensitive and sweet about her pregnancy and has prayed non-stop for us. A friend of mine still calls just about every week to see how I'm doing and she is such a good listener. That is something huge that you can do for a friend who has had this experience - keep asking how you can pray, keep listening, even months after. I know everyone is different, and maybe some don't want to ever mention it again, but at least for me it has been hugely encouraging to be asked how I'm doing.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
What should I title this?
The Lord is good,
a stronghold in the day of trouble;
he knows those who take refuge in him. Nahum 1:7
I feel like I've needed to post for awhile but have had a hard time figuring out how to start. So, the verse above is one that I've clung to over the last couple months as I've struggled through a miscarriage, and that seems like the best way to begin this. I found out that I was pregnant with Baby Munchkin #2 in October, and in November (Thanksgiving week) I found out that his or her heart was no longer beating. I actually miscarried a couple weeks later in what was a far more painful and awful experience than I'd anticipated. Through it all, God has been unbelievably present, good, and faithful to hold my heart and my hand, and I've felt over the last month that I need to be very open and honest about this experience. There's a sense in this that I should keep this experience secret - it makes people uncomfortable, it makes me sad, and there's that nagging feeling that there just might have been something I could have done to prevent it. The truth though is that there is absolutely nothing I could have done to prevent it (and, my doctor says there was nothing I did to cause it either) and that God is in complete control over life and death always. He didn't forget about me or about this little life. In being open about it, hopefully I can encourage other women who go through a miscarriage, and I can give glory to God for being steadfast and in control and GOOD over and over and over in a public and verbal way.
So, what to say about it all? First, I think that I need to say that God is good and that he does good. Always. When my doctor did the ultrasound at 8 weeks and we discovered that munchkin's heart was no longer beating, she started by saying that "someone" was watching out for me because most miscarriages occur because of chromosomal problems, and that it is much more difficult to say goodbye to a baby that I've carried to term and who only lives a few hours or days outside the womb, than one I've only just begun to think about, and by the end of the conversation she was saying "God"...And she's absolutely right about that. Although Marc and I were thrilled about this baby and I was so looking forward to meeting him or her, I hadn't started to feel any little baby fluttery movements yet and the only signs that I was really pregnant were an incredible fatigue and a really irritating carsickness that wouldn't let up. I was heartbroken to get this news about a baby who had been around for a mere 7 weeks and I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child that you've already met. There is so much dreaming that you do when you're pregnant - wondering what this baby will be like, and what he or she will grow up to be, and how you're going to welcome them into the family, and I'd just barely begun to do that with this little one. My doctor, bless her, also explained the science behind most miscarriages and that was pretty comforting - knowing what likely caused it and that I truly didn't cause it or could have prevented it from happening. She gave me the option of having a D&C (where the baby would be surgically removed) or to let my body do what it knows how to do, and I opted for plan B. The thought of this little one being cut out was terrible, and even though he or she wasn't alive anymore, it just seemed like I should provide a warm and safe home as long as I could. So that brought on waiting and waiting and waiting...feeling cramps and thinking it could be any minute for 2 weeks. It turns out that the kind of cramps during a miscarriage are unmistakable, but I didn't realize that it would be basically a mini-labor. When it finally did happen, I cried and hyperventilated my way through it and I was so very glad for Marc and his comfort. Throughout this whole experience I've been SO glad to have Marc as my encourager, and my truth-speaker, and my love. He has been exceptionally wonderful. In the time since then, I've grieved and I've experienced joy and such peace. God has spoken so tenderly to my heart, and He's given me hope and reminded me over and over and over that he is in control and he loves me, and he loved that little one too. It's not easy, and I think that I'll always have a little place in my heart for Baby #2, and I hope that I'll get to meet him or her when I get to heaven, but for now I'm held safely in God's plan and it is a good plan.
God has given me such a gift in Marc and in Archer. They bring so much joy and laughter, and Marc can withstand the hurricane that my tears become sometimes. I'm looking forward to trying again for another munchkin, and although I will have to fight fear as we move forward, I'm excited to see what God brings to our family.
This post feels a little disjointed and weird, but I think it'll be the first of many. God has just been so good and I want to be obedient in not hiding this experience.
a stronghold in the day of trouble;
he knows those who take refuge in him. Nahum 1:7
I feel like I've needed to post for awhile but have had a hard time figuring out how to start. So, the verse above is one that I've clung to over the last couple months as I've struggled through a miscarriage, and that seems like the best way to begin this. I found out that I was pregnant with Baby Munchkin #2 in October, and in November (Thanksgiving week) I found out that his or her heart was no longer beating. I actually miscarried a couple weeks later in what was a far more painful and awful experience than I'd anticipated. Through it all, God has been unbelievably present, good, and faithful to hold my heart and my hand, and I've felt over the last month that I need to be very open and honest about this experience. There's a sense in this that I should keep this experience secret - it makes people uncomfortable, it makes me sad, and there's that nagging feeling that there just might have been something I could have done to prevent it. The truth though is that there is absolutely nothing I could have done to prevent it (and, my doctor says there was nothing I did to cause it either) and that God is in complete control over life and death always. He didn't forget about me or about this little life. In being open about it, hopefully I can encourage other women who go through a miscarriage, and I can give glory to God for being steadfast and in control and GOOD over and over and over in a public and verbal way.
So, what to say about it all? First, I think that I need to say that God is good and that he does good. Always. When my doctor did the ultrasound at 8 weeks and we discovered that munchkin's heart was no longer beating, she started by saying that "someone" was watching out for me because most miscarriages occur because of chromosomal problems, and that it is much more difficult to say goodbye to a baby that I've carried to term and who only lives a few hours or days outside the womb, than one I've only just begun to think about, and by the end of the conversation she was saying "God"...And she's absolutely right about that. Although Marc and I were thrilled about this baby and I was so looking forward to meeting him or her, I hadn't started to feel any little baby fluttery movements yet and the only signs that I was really pregnant were an incredible fatigue and a really irritating carsickness that wouldn't let up. I was heartbroken to get this news about a baby who had been around for a mere 7 weeks and I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child that you've already met. There is so much dreaming that you do when you're pregnant - wondering what this baby will be like, and what he or she will grow up to be, and how you're going to welcome them into the family, and I'd just barely begun to do that with this little one. My doctor, bless her, also explained the science behind most miscarriages and that was pretty comforting - knowing what likely caused it and that I truly didn't cause it or could have prevented it from happening. She gave me the option of having a D&C (where the baby would be surgically removed) or to let my body do what it knows how to do, and I opted for plan B. The thought of this little one being cut out was terrible, and even though he or she wasn't alive anymore, it just seemed like I should provide a warm and safe home as long as I could. So that brought on waiting and waiting and waiting...feeling cramps and thinking it could be any minute for 2 weeks. It turns out that the kind of cramps during a miscarriage are unmistakable, but I didn't realize that it would be basically a mini-labor. When it finally did happen, I cried and hyperventilated my way through it and I was so very glad for Marc and his comfort. Throughout this whole experience I've been SO glad to have Marc as my encourager, and my truth-speaker, and my love. He has been exceptionally wonderful. In the time since then, I've grieved and I've experienced joy and such peace. God has spoken so tenderly to my heart, and He's given me hope and reminded me over and over and over that he is in control and he loves me, and he loved that little one too. It's not easy, and I think that I'll always have a little place in my heart for Baby #2, and I hope that I'll get to meet him or her when I get to heaven, but for now I'm held safely in God's plan and it is a good plan.
God has given me such a gift in Marc and in Archer. They bring so much joy and laughter, and Marc can withstand the hurricane that my tears become sometimes. I'm looking forward to trying again for another munchkin, and although I will have to fight fear as we move forward, I'm excited to see what God brings to our family.
This post feels a little disjointed and weird, but I think it'll be the first of many. God has just been so good and I want to be obedient in not hiding this experience.
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