so awesome

I saw this on Los' blog yesterday - check it out! http://blackeyedpeas.dipdive.com/#/~/videoplayer/0/undefined/76361/~/

As he says, "...why do we get excited when there is something creative and full of energy and joy, like this video?It is because we are made in the image of a creative God who even in our sin we have traits and pointers in how we create and express ourselves that showcase Him.Don't fool yourself by thinking this is just a cool "routine" or this is for the church of Oprah, God's common grace is being seen in His creation and He receives all glory for this. We may surpress the Truth of this, but there has to be a higher reason why there is something that finds beauty, joy and excitement in displays of creativity. Random chance and molecules cannot explain it away..."



(I tried to embed the video but for some reason I can't seem to get the right code copied... so click on the link! It is SO cool!)

new found music

So in perusing Vitamin Z's blog, I found this post: http://takeyourvitaminz.blogspot.com/2009/09/page-cxvi.html that contained a link for a free download of some hymns. I downloaded them and, in listening to them, became really intrigued with the singer's voice. So, I googled the name of the group that did the hymns (Page CXVI) and discovered that the singer is part of a band called The Autumn Film. While on the Autumn Film website (www.theautumnfilm.com), I discovered that they had free downloadable songs for 3 different albums. Free music! and Good music! Tifah (the singer's name) has such an unusual voice. I love it! Yay for new music!

Nerd Club

I've been reading Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas, and it is awesome! I'd encourage everybody married or engaged or seriously dating to pick it up. My thoughts and actions and motivations have been very challenged - the tagline is "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" Here are a few of the many quotes that stood out:

"Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. We can choose which one we will obsess over - expectations, or thanksgivings..."

"Instead of placing demands on your spouse, look to God to have your needs met. That way you can approach your spouse in a spirit of servanthood....marriage is a spotlight showing us that our search for another human being to 'complete' us is misguided....we should seek our significance, meaning, and purpose in our Creator rather than in another human being."

"The righteousness God seeks is a persistent righteousness, a commitment to continue making the right decision even when, perhaps hourly, you feel pulled in the opposite direction. Holiness is far more than an inclination toward occasional acts of kindness and charity. It is a commitment to persistent surrender before God."

"A heavyweight boxing champion who dodges all serious contenders to consistently fight marshmallows is derided and ridiculed - and rightly so. Christians who dodge all serious struggle and consciously seek to put themselves in whatever situations and relationships are easiest are doing the same thing - they are coasting, and eventually that coasting will define them and - even worse - shape them....It helps when we view our struggles in light of what they provide for us spiritually rather than in light of what they take from us emotionally."

"A Christian is never dependent on the response of others to grow spiritually. It's our own heart's decisions that matter."

a hilariously wonderful picture

Our nephew, Tracen, in full glory below:

This was a total accidental shot...Tracen and Makenna were just playing around on the bike - he wasn't actually upset. This picture makes me laugh aloud everytime I see it!

yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

Well friends, despite it being a glorious summer break, I have failed to post much of late. I don't really know why...I've had ideas, just lack of motivation I guess. This has been a wonderful summer, but it's gone so fast! So, I guess this will be a run down of the thoughts and adventures of late...

Uno: I've been thinking a lot about marriage and happiness and sanctification...big, big words. We've had 3 very close friends have marriages in shambles in the last few months and it's made me weep for our friends, realize that I've really never thought through things like when and if divorce is a viable option, and that I need to be praying for my marriage and for my friends' marriages with intensity rather than the lazy "thanks for the bliss" kind of prayers I've fallen into over that last 6 months or so. My heart aches for our friends that have been left or have had to leave, and while I pray for them daily now, I wish I'd spent some time on my knees praying for their marriages long ago. Even in the midst of the sorrow though, we've also had some friends get married, and that brings me to...

Dos: God's providence. So we went to a wedding a couple weekends ago that was absolutely beautiful and so full of joy! The coolest part for me, besides seeing the ecstatic grins on the faces of the bride and groom, was that I completely unintentionally set them up! And in hindsight it is AMAZING to me to think of all God put into motion with the eventual product of Sarah and Spence getting married. I met Sarah and we became friends in early high school. When I graduated I left for Lubbock for college, and when Sarah graduated, she chose San Diego. We wrote to each other quite a bit and so kept up the friendship. About 4 years into college, my employers hired another fellow - a wild and crazy guy named Spencer. I think Spencer would call himself an "aquired taste", but I have to say that I really enjoyed working with him. He and our friend Sahala made me laugh so much at work! One thing the 3 of us talked about a LOT at work was traveling and hopes for adventures all over the world. Well, Spencer actually made these conversations reality by applying for and getting into the Peace Corps. When Spencerino found out that he'd be going to Malawi, I immediately thought of my friend Sarah, as she'd just recently been to Malawi on a mission trip. I'd had the privilege to see her pictures and hear her stories, and so thought Spencer might be able to ask her some questions about the country and its people. So, Spencer and Sarah talked a bit online I think, but didn't really think a whole lot about each other (as far as I know anyway). Meanwhile I'd graduated and moved home and gotten engaged to Marc. We invited both Sarah and Spencer to the wedding and I was excited to find out they could both come. Sarah was going to be home for a visit, and Spencer was willing to make the drive out to Albuquerque. Well, sparks flew the night of our wedding as they actually met for the first time. The coolest part was that I had no intentions at all of setting them up, hadn't even thought about the fact that they knew who each other was. God did though! So, now 2 years later, Spencer and Sarah are married and hopefully happily adventuring around Mexico on their honeymoon. Marc and I laugh about taking full credit, but really it was God who set so many events into motion...so cool!

And that brings me to Tres: Tomorrow Marc and I will be married for TWO years! Wow! I

continue to be absolutely amazed at how God created Marc FOR me (I am complete

ly convinced) and vice versa. I also could never have guessed at how deeply God would grow my capacity to love. He shows me so often so many beautiful facets of His perfect love for me through Marc's love. God is so faithful to fully surpass what I thought would be so great, with what is in fact far, far, faaaaaarrrr better! We are so incredibly blessed!

Cuatro: I have struggled through some old fears in the last month, and God has used both my husband and the beauty of the mountains to help me work through a lot of it. I used to always fancy myself as so independent and prided myself on my "wanderlust." God broke me of a whole lot of that during college, and I actually hadn't thought much about it until recently. I found myself increasingly envious (covetous actually, I think) of our friends that had been traveling or who had big trips planned. I was feeling so restless and wondering why. I love my life with Marc, but I found myself frequently wishing that we were traipsing about the world instead of looking for a house just north of where we currently are. I was excited about the prospect of the house, but in my heart I was afraid that we'd be "settling." Settling is a bad word in my vocabulary! So, in Red River God gave me time and quiet and such beauty. Something about the mountains is good for the soul, and necessary for the health of mine. I say that kinda jokingly, but in reality it felt like I could breathe in Red River. And I don't mean just fill my lungs kind of breathing (although I could do that better there too), but soul breathing. I hope you know what I mean - I think there's something or somewhere for everyone that allows that. So, anyway, Red River gave me a chance to actually think about all I'd been feeling and to admit that I was struggling to God. He gave me a lot of peace, although I had an inkling that He wasn't done working all that out of me. Once we got back to Texas, I again thought longingly of foreign adventures, and on the way to Lubbock for Sarah and Spencer's wedding I finally had a chance to talk with Marc about it all. We were talking about the house options and how we'd like to get one that would allow us to make payments on one paycheck and Marc, ever the practical and logical one, talked about what we might do if that didn't end up being a possibility. The thought of not getting to stay home to have kids had the usual effect - namely tears and a kind of internal horror at the thought of having to teach for the next 30 years. So we talked about why that brings on instant tears (poor Marc, every time he has ever mentioned it), and eventually we got to the heart of the issue, which turns out to be me thinking that God may not actually have it all under control, that my way just might be better. That if we get a house and start a family and I have to work, that my adventures would be over. That I'd be settling into a mundane life. Not that I think that any of my friends who have kids and who work or don't work have mundane lives at all - there is a total disconnect between my perceptions of my future life and the reality of the lives I see around me. It all boils down to pride, which in turn becomes fear in me. The ridiculous thing is that I know that God's way is better, that He knows what I need so much better than I do, and yet...why doesn't my heart come along? Later that weekend Chandler (our pastor) was preaching about games that we try to play with God, and he said something about how sometimes God asks us to give up something that seems so intrinsically part of us that there would be nothing left if we were obedient. That struck a nerve - my restlessness seems so intrinsically part of me, my desire to wander and to see the world seems like it is one of the best parts of me, a part that I value so highly, and if I let God pull that out at the roots, I'd be hollow. The problem is that as long as I try to hold on to these dreams, I am pretty ineffective where God has placed me. As Marc put it, Satan knows that he isn't going to make any dents with offering pure evil my way (I'm not going to go kill someone), so instead he takes the sneaky way in and makes me completely ineffective for God where I am because I'm always wishing I was somewhere else, always waiting for that plane ticket to "the adventures." Oh, how true that is. And how clearly I see it now that God's pointed it out to me. So, I've been trying to let go of the dreams, and while it's pretty scary, I'm just trying to hang on to God's hand. To say "Ok Lord, rip it out" makes my heart quake, but I know He can do better than my dreams - I realize it again every day with Marc. Whew, so, on to the future! What will God do? Who knows, but if seeing the world and getting to be on the mission field are part of His plan, then He'll make them happen in His time. And if not, I can be sure adventures won't be lacking.

Gee whiz, this has gotten way too long! If you've made it this far, go you! I tried to split it into two posts (in hindsight), but I can't figure out how to copy and paste...alas. So, it is just too long. Oh, well, guess that's what happens when I let a month go by without a word. One last thing to tell you: we made an offer on a house and they accepted it! Yay! I'll update when I know more. Here's a picture of those mountains that I talked about:

girls have cooties

So Marc and I went down to Hewitt last Friday to see some friends that he grew up with and to catch up with his old youth pastor. His youth pastor's wife was telling us a funny story about her 6 yr old son that I thought I'd post because it makes me chuckle aloud every time I think about it. So her son is going to be the ring bearer in a wedding coming up and he is not excited about it, not even a little bit. Someone (the bride's mom maybe?) was asking him about whether he was excited for the wedding and he answered "booooring." So, she then told him that there would be a lot of really cute little girls at this wedding, to which he answers "aaawwwkward." Ha ha! His mom quickly had to apologize for her son, but I thought it was a pretty hilarious story. What 6 year old boy gets excited about dressing up and hanging out with "cute" girls?? Ha, still laughing aloud!

Mailey is here!!

A new niece! Sweet Mailey arrived last week, safe and sound! Recognize the dress?

Now and Not Yet

The sermon tonight was a killer one, and although I think I'm still trying to process it all, I wanted to share some of it with you because it is SO encouraging. Our pastor (http://hv.thevillagechurch.net/sermons) has been working his way through Luke and this weekend he talked about the part in ch. 18 that talks about those that have left (or been willing to leave) all they know for the gospel have a reward, not only in the future, but now also. So, knowing that the prosperity gospel which rewards it's followers with wealth and health in exchange for faith is not truth, what is that reward that we experience now? First, it is getting to belong to a community of believers (ideally the church in Acts 2); Second, it is knowing that I am and forever will be justified by Jesus' death on the cross on my behalf. He saved me from God's wrath, which in my case means he's saved me from thinking I might be good enough because of my goody two shoes nature. What a relief! So when I stand before the Father, ALL I have to claim is Jesus' blood. What good news!
Our pastor also talked a bit about our reward of eternal life, and what a beautiful picture he painted of heaven! In the end, God will create a new heaven and a new earth, and we will get to be a part of it! A new universe that is exactly as God wants it, where all the beauty and the wonder and the love that we know now is absolutely pale and lifeless in comparison. When I think about all that makes my life so wonderful now and then think about heaven, oh man, I get so excited! I won't be afraid any more! I won't do the things I shouldn't and I will do the things I know I should! There won't be any more dark corners or bad guys or boogie men! I can't even comprehend my understanding of love expanding any more than it already has in this last almost 2 years of unreal joy in marriage (and I know that it will continue to grow as I age!), but in heaven I will experience God as Love! There won't be any separation between me and Jesus ever! Those sunsets and sunrises and thunderstorms and flowers and mountains that floor me now will be laughable in the sight of the new world! The pleasures of a body that works and of laughter and of the smiles of kids and of the feeling of swimming and of the enjoyment of good food - all completely pale in comparison. Oh, that heaven would come soon! That tension of now and not yet...of knowing wonderful things now and of knowing that better is coming, of knowing that tears now will lead to overflowing joy, of knowing that Jesus has rescued me now and of knowing that He will be enough in the end... oh, what glorious tension.

Zoe Keating

The music guy (http://thebleeckerblog.blogspot.com/) at my church told me about this lady - you've gotta check this out!

I know I just posted, but...

It just thundered so loud that a car alarm started ringing in the parking lot below my apartment! I love thunder and lightning like this! There actually was a tornado that appeared and touched down briefly last night in Flower Mound (where I work, just slightly west of where I live) and that's a little scary, but when there's no threat of tornadoes, I love thunderstorms!
The science nerd in me is so totally amazed by the way lightning works - how the clouds build up such a big negative charge that all the positive charge in the earth is pulled towards the surface and then BOOM, an enormous discharge of electricity goes between the negative and positive (opposites attract!) and that light that we see and the thunder that we hear are the exact same thing...light just travels at around 300 million meters per second, meanwhile sound travels a mere 340 meters per second... so we see lightning way before we hear it. Wow! I love it! What an artist God was when he created the universe and the physics that governs it!

Ah, wonderful freedom!

Well friends, I'm sitting in my living room enjoying a thunderstorm on my 4th day of summer break and thinking how good life is. For all my complaining, I sure do love my job during summer break!! The year ended up turning out all right - the kids and I both managed to survive. About a month or maybe a little more before school got out, on one particularly pitiful night of tears of frustration (and maybe a little desperation too) over school, Marc encouraged me by telling me that one thing that I'm good at is loving him, so I ought to try to take that skill with me to school. From then on I prayed every day on the way to school that God would just help me love the kids...and wow, what a difference that made in my attitude! I don't know that I was any more successful at teaching these crazy kids, but I think I made it through the day with a whole lot more hope and I hope the kids gained something from my attitude change. So all in all, I have to thank God for one more year survived. It was a tough one, but at least God gave me my third period which was full of wonderful kids that I loved. Next year I am only teaching physics and I'm looking forward to that...maybe I can get a little bit better at teaching :). One of my fourth period kids (the devil class) told me on the way out the door on the last day of school "I'm so happy for you!" - ha, made me laugh aloud! Apparently some of the kids in that class felt my pain in trying to wrangle ridiculous freshmen who've already practically smoked their brains dry.I'm so glad that God regularly uses my husband to change the way I think or change my attitude or my actions. What a blessing that is!

So, now it is summer, glorious summer! So far I've sewed a baby dress, tried a couple new recipes, read 2.5 books, planted some flowers, cleaned out my closet, done laundry, actually made the bed every day, worked out every day except yesterday, slept in, gone to bed late, talked to a loan guy about mortgages, caught up on world news... I love having TIME! and the brain power to be a little bit creative! This beginning of the summer kind of feels like one giant exhale. So goooood!

Here's that dress! I got the idea from a booth at the poppy festival (we went to a poppy festival in Georgetown in April) - it is made from a pillow case!

An amazing article

I've been receiving emails updating me from a friend who is on a mission trip in Sudan, and one of the emails had this link to an article called "As an atheist, I believe Africa needs God." Is is an amazing article! You've got to read it, especially if you're interested in all the charitable work that is going on (and needs to go on) around the world.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/matthew_parris/article5400568.ece

ps, sorry it's been so long since I've posted...I've had lots of things to write about but just haven't sat down to actually do so. It's almost summer break (5.5 weeks, not that I'm counting down or anything), so TIME is coming soon!

"real life"

I saw this on Vitamin Z's blog (see left) today - was posted on Carlos' (http://alreadyandnotyet.blogspot.com/2009/03/cs-lewis-on-real-life-interruptions.html) before that... In light of the last post I wrote, this is a good perspective, so I'm copying and pasting for your reading pleasure. That CS Lewis, such brilliance.

"C.J. Mahaney has been talking about Biblical Productivity over at his blog. In his latest installment he discusses Scheduling the Unexpected. He also shares this convicting quote by C.S. Lewis on how we view these interruptions that are sometimes quite unpleasant.

"The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one’s “own,” or “real” life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one’s real life—the life God is sending one day by day; what one calls one’s “real life” is a phantom of one’s own imagination. This at least is what I see at moments of insight: but it’s hard to remember it all the time." The Quotable Lewis (Wheaton, IL.: Tyndale House Publishers, 1989), 335."

Am I supposed to love what I do?

So I think most of you have heard me whine about work lately...and if not, I'll spare you the details - suffice it to say that work has been a challenge this semester and I feel serious dislike bordering hatred of it most days. A couple weeks ago as I was in tears over it all Marc said "maybe your job isn't for your happiness, maybe it's for your sanctification." He had just attended a men's retreat and had heard a speaker talk about the best book for marriage having that theme - that marriage isn't for happiness but rather for sanctification, and I guess that thought made an impact. Sometimes the things we do get hard (ie marriage, work, relationships, etc.), and the first thing we want to do (or at least that I want to do) is to bolt. Find something different to do. Something that makes me "happy." Nowhere that I'm aware of does the Bible say that God has done things the way he has for our happiness...our peace, our joy, our assurance, our righteousness, our holiness - yes; our happiness - no.

So this has had me thinking for the last couple weeks. Where did I get the impression that you're supposed to love what you do? Should you in fact love what you do, and if you don't, find something else to do? Does God sometimes use a growing sense of discontent with our jobs to move us into something else? Or am I just suffering from the grass is always greener syndrome? Do I buck up and do what I need to do with the intention of sticking with it because God is certainly using this time to remind me that I need his help, or do I buck up and do what I need to do with the intention of looking for something else in June? Why do I want to run away when things get hard? Is God using this turn in my job to get my heart ready to start having a family, or is my longing to stay home and start having babies based solely on not wanting to work anymore? Am I just lazy? I know that being a stay-at-home mom isn't easy, but it sure sounds better than what I'm currently doing. And what if when the time comes to start having a family I can't stay home for financial reasons...oh, that brings on the tears for sure. The thought of trying to be a wife and a mom and a good teacher all at the same time sounds awful. I know there are lots of women who do it, and do all three well...I just don't want to. I think that might make me a big baby who cries too many self-pitying tears.

Ugh, enough. Too many questions, no answers. What do you think? Should we love what we do? Should our happiness in the thing we spend so many hours a week doing have any swaying power or do we just grit our teeth and make the most of the weekends? God certainly uses experiences that we don't necessarily enjoy to sanctify us, so should I just get over this idea of happiness and know God is using my job to work changes in me? Is it okay to want (or maybe fantasize about!) a change?

I did 2 pushups today!!!!

fat bottom girls make the rockin' world go round

Folks, I've come to a sad (pitiful really) conclusion recently. As I was thinking I was getting good at the killer pushup/side-raiser-thing on my snazzy new Wii Fit, Marc informs me that I am doing cheater pushups. So, he shows me how correct form should be, and then shows me what I've been doing (for years, thinking I was doing pushups! geez!). As it turns out, I cannot do even 1 single stinking pushup. Starting from the ground, I cannot push myself up. Not once. Pathetic!!! Agh!!!

Alas, it seems that a lack of self control and discipline has worked its way into every aspect of my life. That is a very frustrating realization to come to. BUT, the good news, as my husband who is firmly anchored in reality reminds me, is that my lack of arm strength and my freshman 15 and my total addiction to all things full of sugar and my seeming inability to go to bed earlier so that I can wake up with enough time to read my Bible at least somewhat coherently before leaving for work with enough time that I can get there on time without bringing out the speed racer routine, are all just facts of reality. (That was a long sentence!) And, being facts of reality, they don't dictate future potential. In other words, I can do something about them. While a little bit overwhelming, this is still good news. Just because I cannot currently comfortably squeeze myself into jeans I wore a mere year ago doesn't mean that I will never be able to. And while I currently cannot do one measly pushup, that doesn't mean I never will. In fact, what a party I think I'll throw the day I can do 1 pushup! Because just a little bit of success will breed more success I'm pretty sure.

The pastor at our church has been talking lately about a verse that compares believers to farmers and it has been very convicting, and also very encouraging. The farmer does all he can to plant the seeds and pull the weeds, but at the end of the day he has to pray for rain. In other words, a changed heart is truly up to God to work in me, but there are weeds that I need to be pulling in the meantime. So, on that note, those of you who love me - keep me accountable please. Ask me if I'm waking up on time, or if I've made it to the gym, or just exactly how many cookies I've downed. I'll be working on these weeds, some of which have some mighty long roots. Fortunately for me, God will be doing the changing. What a relief!

08 in pictures

A trip to see dino footprintsFlying kites for EasterA fun day at a Medieval FaireA gorgeous day spent hiking in the mountains north of Albuquerque A crazy week spent at Disney World

Lots of rock bandPlaying Apples to Apples and waiting for Brandon to be born

Brandon is here!!1st Anniversary

A quick visit from Luke

Lots of concerts, this one in a botanical garden

Playing music - this time for the fam, but also at church this fall

Marc's 10 yr high school reunion

Camping with our wonderful home group (Marc caught a fish!)

Skiing and snowboarding at Pajarito over Christmas break (Christmas in Albuquerque and Hewitt this year)

A gorgeous sunrise we saw
A prayer for 2009 from The Valley of Vision: A collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions:

O Lord, Length of days does not profit me except the days are passed in thy presence, in thy service, to thy glory. Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides, sustains, sanctifies, aids every hour, that I may not be one moment apart from thee, but may rely on thy Spirit to supply every thought, speak in every word, direct every step, prosper every work, build up every mote of faith, and give me a desire to show forth thy praise, testify thy love, advance thy kingdom. I launch my bark on the unknown waters of this year, with thee, O Father, as my harbour, thee, O Son, at my helm, thee, O Holy Spirit, filling my sails. Guide me to heaven with my loins girt, my lamp burning, my ear open to thy calls, my heart full of love, my soul free. Give me thy grace to sanctify me, thy comforts to cheer, thy wisdom to teach, thy right hand to guide, thy counsel to instruct, thy law to judge, thy presence to stabilize. May thy fear by my awe, thy triumphs my joy.