So I heard an incredible sermon about Daniel 4 this last Sunday and have been ruminating on the ideas presented since...The quick version of the chapter is that King Neb (of Babylon) is writing a letter to all the world to tell them of this crazy experience he has had and how he thinks all of them (reading) should give glory to Daniel's God who is clearly in control of everything. King N has a dream about a tree which shades the world until it is cut down, only the stump remaining. Daniel tells the king the meaning of the dream and admonishes him to repent and quick. King N ignores Daniel and a year passes. One day King N looks out upon his kingdom and congratulates himself for such a job well done. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately, depending on how you look at it) for him, God strips his power and sanity and he ends up eating grass like a cow and growing his hair and nails so long that he looks like a crazy bird. This insanity goes on until he acknowledges that Daniel's God is in control and was actually the one who deserved the glory for Neb's kingdom, at which point his power, kingdom, and sanity are restored to him. You should really read the chapter for the actual story...that was just a super fast synopsis...and one done without a bible handy (guess I could look it up online, but I'm not going to, so go read the chapter to make sure I got it all right).
The part about the sermon that really struck me as a new thought was that God is not only in control of me and people in general...our paths and lives and all that...he's in control of history. He's not just in control of the leaders of countries, but also of the cultural movements and thoughts. When the enlightenment was happening, it was happening because God made it happen. Even this crazy postmodern junk (and by junk, I mean that truth is so not dependent on my or your perception of it!) that is currently the fad was allowed or caused by God. Leaders rise and fall, nations rise and fall, wars and peace and crazy weather, cultures and thought movements, everything that has ever, and will ever, occur has been allowed or been caused by God. Whoa. I guess I've never thought about the big picture side of this...so wrapped up in my little world, trying to figure out just exactly how God is moving my life. My view of God is growing...that is a good thing.
And speaking of God causing or allowing, I realized that I tend to say that God causes things that I view as positive, and allows things that I view as negative. I'm beginning to see how my ideas about good and God's ideas about good don't always line up though. So do I take the total control away from God when I say that he just allowed something that I don't like, rather than that he may have caused it? Not that I actually remove control, but do I not acknowledge it? Hmmm... It brings to mind thoughts I've stewed over for the last couple weeks about disappointment. I've been thinking a lot about M lately (M being the guy I loved) and realizing that the further I get from the end, the blurrier the reasons get. If a friend were to ask me what happened, I no longer can really say....I don't really know exactly what happened. I would have thought that time would bring greater clarity, but instead I am more confused about why we aren't together than I was when we were breaking up. (Maybe I should mention here that I'm not throwing pity parties for myself, and in fact feel like I'm me again, the normal Sarah who laughs at everything and loves life, I'm just thinking.) So I was talking to a friend about how I was wondering whether I just totally missed God saying "No" to the whole loving M plan, or maybe we were never right and I was blind, or maybe moments of disobedience brought on a forced separation, or...or...or. My friend stopped me and said "You know, I think that sometimes disappointment IS the goal. God uses disappointment, and maybe he caused it in this relationship to accomplish what he wanted in both of your lives. Think about Ruth and Naomi. Naomi lost her husband and her sons, what terrible disappointment and sorrow. God used that to accomplish his purpose of getting Ruth and Boaz in the same place though." Oh. I was stunned. Could God actually CAUSE (not just allow) disappointment? Could that have been the end goal? He never said no, and it was ok that I loved with everything I had, and the purpose was that we'd end and I'd see some dark times? And did God make Naomi's husband and sons die just to get Ruth to meet Boaz? I don't know. I reread Ruth in an attempt to see if there was a hint of that in there...and there's not... But in terms of my life, somehow thinking that the end might have actually been the goal makes things easier to say "Ok" about. Takes the pressure off of me for thinking maybe I just wasn't listening to God hard enough when I asked him if the relationship was a go in the beginning. And when I think about all the good that has come out of the disappointment, I am reminded that God did use all the hurt for so much good in my life. Even if the disappointment wasn't the goal of the relationship, God sure did use it for good...I have a pretty different kind of relationship with God now than I did before, and it is better. I have a different view of God than I did before, and it is better. I have a different understanding of myself and independence and needs and desires than I did before, and it is better. I think I even find life a little bit funnier than I did before (and I have always been a laugher).
Sorry to dive off into the really-personal pool today. My current thoughts were just overflowing and I wanted you to know that disappointment isn't necessarily negative in the scheme of things....in case you might be experiencing it. It's funny to think how tiny my little life is in comparison with all of time. How do I fit into the big picture? How do my little thoughts even matter? I have no idea...they might not...except that I am controlled by the great God who is in control of EVERYTHING...wow. And all of it, disappointment and...existentialism..ha, is for his glory. Wow. That is too huge for my brain.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Life is goooooood
*the weather is SO beautiful lately
*the flowers are starting to bloom
*my hair is long enough for a ponytail (slightly less awkward stage of growing out)
*lots and lots of funniness of late
*getting excited about the possibility of moving to a coast this summer maybe...probably
*new shoes were only $11
*fun thoughts of buying a new car...by new, I mean used, but newer than mine
*this thurs. is Earth Day, which means it's par-tay time in earth science with my sweet high schoolers
*went to the big spring dance performance last night and was very impressed with some of my kids' skills
*just thoroughly enjoyed a big cup of jasmine tea and a hot pizza pretzel thing
*got to actually hang out with Texas friends this month (as opposed to just phone hanging out)
*made some money playing with the Hobbs community orchestra and the piece we played was actually recognizable as Sheherezade ...
*made a pumpkin-ice cream pie that was delish, think I'll make another one today
*St. Patty's day is fun and I like green (and I'm half Irish)
*spring break is in t-minus 1 week!
*and best of all, I am going to be basking in sunshine and ocean in t-minus one week because I am cruising Mexico and Belize for spring break!!!!!
*the flowers are starting to bloom
*my hair is long enough for a ponytail (slightly less awkward stage of growing out)
*lots and lots of funniness of late
*getting excited about the possibility of moving to a coast this summer maybe...probably
*new shoes were only $11
*fun thoughts of buying a new car...by new, I mean used, but newer than mine
*this thurs. is Earth Day, which means it's par-tay time in earth science with my sweet high schoolers
*went to the big spring dance performance last night and was very impressed with some of my kids' skills
*just thoroughly enjoyed a big cup of jasmine tea and a hot pizza pretzel thing
*got to actually hang out with Texas friends this month (as opposed to just phone hanging out)
*made some money playing with the Hobbs community orchestra and the piece we played was actually recognizable as Sheherezade ...
*made a pumpkin-ice cream pie that was delish, think I'll make another one today
*St. Patty's day is fun and I like green (and I'm half Irish)
*spring break is in t-minus 1 week!
*and best of all, I am going to be basking in sunshine and ocean in t-minus one week because I am cruising Mexico and Belize for spring break!!!!!
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
funny flatulence...
So last Friday the kids were taking a quiz and the room was really quiet when we hear a sneaky little fart. That would have been funny enough, but the poor kid who farted says "Oh, sorry." and then realizes that he's just admitted to farting in the presence of his classmates....so then he says "Oh crap!" and his face turned so very red...
Poor kid, the whole class did the good ol' head swivel to look at him when he said sorry, and then they all start to giggle. I completely lost it and was quickly reduced to tears because I'm laughing so hard...what can I say, it was a Friday and it was 6th period so almost time to go home...and the room was soooo quiet...and the kid, poor guy was well trained to be polite and apologize for flatulence I guess, but that is just so not cool when you're an eighth grader.
Oh man, this is the quality of my almost daily entertainment!
Poor kid, the whole class did the good ol' head swivel to look at him when he said sorry, and then they all start to giggle. I completely lost it and was quickly reduced to tears because I'm laughing so hard...what can I say, it was a Friday and it was 6th period so almost time to go home...and the room was soooo quiet...and the kid, poor guy was well trained to be polite and apologize for flatulence I guess, but that is just so not cool when you're an eighth grader.
Oh man, this is the quality of my almost daily entertainment!
Monday, March 12, 2007
many much moosen in the woodsen
Oh man, you know it's time for spring break when:
*You frequently want to punch students' faces...like when the kid in study hall tells you gleefully about how he burned the c-rap out of his worm with vinegar, aka acetic acid. This kid was telling me about how they're doing the good ol' worm stimulus lab...you know, the one where you test various stimuli on a live worm in a dissecting pan. One of the things they had to see was what would happen if you placed the worm near (NEAR, not ON) a puddle of vinegar. Well, this kid tells me about how he accidentally dropped his worm in the vinegar. His worm was writhing around like mad and managed to "flip" out of the vinegar. So the kid thought, "whew, disaster averted" (maybe not with those exact words...) since his teacher threatened a bad grade if his worm died. Ok, so his lab partner comes over and she has to redo the vinegar part because she didn't see it when he did it. Well, he forgot to tell her that she shouldn't put the worm IN the vinegar...so she plops it down in the middle of the puddle. The worm proceeds to flop around wildly again, trying to get out of the ACID that is burning it...eventually this punk kid realizes that they've killed the worm when it no longer responds to being dropped for a third time in the acetic acid...and it's belly is all red...as in burned-red. So throughout this story this kid is laughing...and that somehow disturbs me. I have no idea whether worms can feel pain or not...probably they can't in fact...but still! He says that the worm was writhing around...flipping and flopping to get out of the acid. Maybe I'm a little too sensitive, but that would have traumatized me when I was a 7th grader...especially if I did it THREE times and my worm died because of it. So after this story, I'm looking at this kid and looking at the clock and wishing that study hall would be over so I don't have to look at him anymore. He then tells me that they're dissecting the worms the following day. We've been talking about dissection lately because he's pretty interested and that is my favorite thing to teach. He says "I really hope we don't have to dissect a dead worm." So I just look at him and say "you would rather dissect, like as in cut up, a worm that is alive???!!!" and he says "oh, maybe not." Ok, maybe just a mistake, whatever. Oh no, then he tells me that Mr. H (his teacher) asked who in the class was excited to dissect, and since only he and one other student raised their hands, Mr. H said that they might be the ones to kill the worms (riiiight, so doubt that Mr. H actually said that, but again, whatev). This kid is wondering if they'll kill them by squishing the head down with their fingers...seriously, he shows me how he would squish it on his desk. I remark that it would be hard to see the insides if the worm has been squished...to which he says again "oh" like he's disappointed. AGH! Sick kid! I know we're only talking about worms, but still, they're worms that are ALIVE!
*Then there's the girl who I only sometimes sort of like (we'll call her Ms. Entitled Manipulator) out of a sense of duty to like all students...she pushed me over the edge the other day when she comes up to ask if I can sign her pass to go to the restroom. I had the movie "dying to be thin" sitting on my desk because we'd just finished watching it in Health class. Ms. EM says (and this is pretty nearly a quote) "Oh, that's such a funny movie." To which I say "That's an interesting opinion, I can't say that I find eating disorders funny." She responds "That's such a stupid movie. If you've had an eating disorder, you know that that movie is totally off and they're not really like that at all. Last year me and Jane (another student) forced Ms. A to stop showing it and stop talking to us about eating disorders because we couldn't stop laughing." At this point I just look at her...anger is seething forth...so I stick out my hand for her pass and sign it and then turn away from her...biting my tongue. On the inside I'm yelling "Helloooo, this movie consists of interviews from girls who HAVE eating disorders! and there is nothing funny about any of it....or maybe you thought laughing about girls who are in a center because they nearly died is funny...or maybe that the little old lady who has such severe osteoporosis from not eating any fat (and therefore no calcium) for so many years as a professional dancer that she looks about 90 and walks with a walker (she's only 56)...or maybe the runner who can't stop exercising because of a control issue so her head is seriously like 5 times bigger than the width of her body...yeah, those things are freaking hilarious." And Jane, well, she's a really good kid and I really seriously doubt that she would laugh at a movie that has sad story after sad story, even if she disagreed with the premise of the movie.
*Or maybe the severe road rage is telling of my state of mind lately...my stereo was stolen from my car last weekend, so the drive everywhere feels like it takes about 18 years longer than normal because it's so quiet. There's only so long you can sing to yourself too...and I keep finding myself yelling (audibly) at the other drivers around me who are going like 32 in a 35 mph zone. That's a lot of rage...and I'm not normally a rage-full person! I do appreciate it when people go the speed limit, but normally don't yell at them. At least my windows are closed and they can't hear me.
Wow, all in all I see an alarming trend for RAGE in my life... but spring break is only 2 weeks away, phew, disaster just may be averted (that is if I can control myself and not punch anybody). And I have to say, I already feel better having written this because it's funnier in print (to me anyway). That and I just nearly choked on my delish mexican latte that I am drinking in my coffee shop while I take a break from grading mania (3rd quarter grades are due tomorrow, agh!)...and not that choking is such a good thing, but I choked because I'm listening to a funny song montage (how do you spell that?) and Tenacious D just snorted and sang about a whippy tail...ahh, I do love the whippy tail. He he : )
*You frequently want to punch students' faces...like when the kid in study hall tells you gleefully about how he burned the c-rap out of his worm with vinegar, aka acetic acid. This kid was telling me about how they're doing the good ol' worm stimulus lab...you know, the one where you test various stimuli on a live worm in a dissecting pan. One of the things they had to see was what would happen if you placed the worm near (NEAR, not ON) a puddle of vinegar. Well, this kid tells me about how he accidentally dropped his worm in the vinegar. His worm was writhing around like mad and managed to "flip" out of the vinegar. So the kid thought, "whew, disaster averted" (maybe not with those exact words...) since his teacher threatened a bad grade if his worm died. Ok, so his lab partner comes over and she has to redo the vinegar part because she didn't see it when he did it. Well, he forgot to tell her that she shouldn't put the worm IN the vinegar...so she plops it down in the middle of the puddle. The worm proceeds to flop around wildly again, trying to get out of the ACID that is burning it...eventually this punk kid realizes that they've killed the worm when it no longer responds to being dropped for a third time in the acetic acid...and it's belly is all red...as in burned-red. So throughout this story this kid is laughing...and that somehow disturbs me. I have no idea whether worms can feel pain or not...probably they can't in fact...but still! He says that the worm was writhing around...flipping and flopping to get out of the acid. Maybe I'm a little too sensitive, but that would have traumatized me when I was a 7th grader...especially if I did it THREE times and my worm died because of it. So after this story, I'm looking at this kid and looking at the clock and wishing that study hall would be over so I don't have to look at him anymore. He then tells me that they're dissecting the worms the following day. We've been talking about dissection lately because he's pretty interested and that is my favorite thing to teach. He says "I really hope we don't have to dissect a dead worm." So I just look at him and say "you would rather dissect, like as in cut up, a worm that is alive???!!!" and he says "oh, maybe not." Ok, maybe just a mistake, whatever. Oh no, then he tells me that Mr. H (his teacher) asked who in the class was excited to dissect, and since only he and one other student raised their hands, Mr. H said that they might be the ones to kill the worms (riiiight, so doubt that Mr. H actually said that, but again, whatev). This kid is wondering if they'll kill them by squishing the head down with their fingers...seriously, he shows me how he would squish it on his desk. I remark that it would be hard to see the insides if the worm has been squished...to which he says again "oh" like he's disappointed. AGH! Sick kid! I know we're only talking about worms, but still, they're worms that are ALIVE!
*Then there's the girl who I only sometimes sort of like (we'll call her Ms. Entitled Manipulator) out of a sense of duty to like all students...she pushed me over the edge the other day when she comes up to ask if I can sign her pass to go to the restroom. I had the movie "dying to be thin" sitting on my desk because we'd just finished watching it in Health class. Ms. EM says (and this is pretty nearly a quote) "Oh, that's such a funny movie." To which I say "That's an interesting opinion, I can't say that I find eating disorders funny." She responds "That's such a stupid movie. If you've had an eating disorder, you know that that movie is totally off and they're not really like that at all. Last year me and Jane (another student) forced Ms. A to stop showing it and stop talking to us about eating disorders because we couldn't stop laughing." At this point I just look at her...anger is seething forth...so I stick out my hand for her pass and sign it and then turn away from her...biting my tongue. On the inside I'm yelling "Helloooo, this movie consists of interviews from girls who HAVE eating disorders! and there is nothing funny about any of it....or maybe you thought laughing about girls who are in a center because they nearly died is funny...or maybe that the little old lady who has such severe osteoporosis from not eating any fat (and therefore no calcium) for so many years as a professional dancer that she looks about 90 and walks with a walker (she's only 56)...or maybe the runner who can't stop exercising because of a control issue so her head is seriously like 5 times bigger than the width of her body...yeah, those things are freaking hilarious." And Jane, well, she's a really good kid and I really seriously doubt that she would laugh at a movie that has sad story after sad story, even if she disagreed with the premise of the movie.
*Or maybe the severe road rage is telling of my state of mind lately...my stereo was stolen from my car last weekend, so the drive everywhere feels like it takes about 18 years longer than normal because it's so quiet. There's only so long you can sing to yourself too...and I keep finding myself yelling (audibly) at the other drivers around me who are going like 32 in a 35 mph zone. That's a lot of rage...and I'm not normally a rage-full person! I do appreciate it when people go the speed limit, but normally don't yell at them. At least my windows are closed and they can't hear me.
Wow, all in all I see an alarming trend for RAGE in my life... but spring break is only 2 weeks away, phew, disaster just may be averted (that is if I can control myself and not punch anybody). And I have to say, I already feel better having written this because it's funnier in print (to me anyway). That and I just nearly choked on my delish mexican latte that I am drinking in my coffee shop while I take a break from grading mania (3rd quarter grades are due tomorrow, agh!)...and not that choking is such a good thing, but I choked because I'm listening to a funny song montage (how do you spell that?) and Tenacious D just snorted and sang about a whippy tail...ahh, I do love the whippy tail. He he : )
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
epiphanies
So I was lying in bed this weekend, enjoying the sunlight coming through the window and waiting for the day to begin (I was in the midst of a super fun EB birthday shindig), when I realized a little something. I think I just might be a crier. No, really, miss unemotional Sarah is a crier. I cry all the time! When I'm sad...when I'm mad...when I'm frustrated and overwhelmed...when cute kids show their innocence...at beautiful music, both playing and hearing...and most often, I laugh to crying a lot. and by "a lot," I mean many times a week.
Who'd a thunk it? Not me, that's for sure! (maybe all of you knew this about me already, but I didn't get the memo)
Ha, what funny tricks God is playing on me as I get older...
And for interest's sake, here's a pic from the weekend birthday trip-o-fun:
Thursday, March 01, 2007
post numero dos
Ok, so I already posted something today...but I have had such an afternoon of laughing that I need to put up more links for you to enjoy. I'm supposed to be grading...in fact, today on the calendar it says "grading mania"...so I have been grading, with numerous breaks devoted to watching/listening to funny things. I've cried a lot this afternoon...cried as in tears of laughter. So here's the rundown:
1st: watch the link on the previous post
2nd: another link from Emily B's blog: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU
3rd: listen to Brian Regan's standup...some of which you can see on his website
4th: enjoy Jerry Seinfeld's standup
5th: laugh at Flight of the Conchord again (see #2)
6th: watch this FAN-tastic bit:http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6995659424854251605
7th: repeat as you will
Happy Crying!
1st: watch the link on the previous post
2nd: another link from Emily B's blog: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU
3rd: listen to Brian Regan's standup...some of which you can see on his website
4th: enjoy Jerry Seinfeld's standup
5th: laugh at Flight of the Conchord again (see #2)
6th: watch this FAN-tastic bit:http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6995659424854251605
7th: repeat as you will
Happy Crying!
hi-larious
You should go to Emily's blog: http://www.mydogateit.blogspot.com/ and watch the video on the post for Wed. (2/28). Maybe it made me cry...because I was laughing so hard. Maybe I have a secret (TOP SECRET) liking of Shakira's music...ahem...which makes this cover all the more funny. Ahem.
Go, Watch, Enjoy : )
Go, Watch, Enjoy : )
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