So I think most of you have heard me whine about work lately...and if not, I'll spare you the details - suffice it to say that work has been a challenge this semester and I feel serious dislike bordering hatred of it most days. A couple weeks ago as I was in tears over it all Marc said "maybe your job isn't for your happiness, maybe it's for your sanctification." He had just attended a men's retreat and had heard a speaker talk about the best book for marriage having that theme - that marriage isn't for happiness but rather for sanctification, and I guess that thought made an impact. Sometimes the things we do get hard (ie marriage, work, relationships, etc.), and the first thing we want to do (or at least that I want to do) is to bolt. Find something different to do. Something that makes me "happy." Nowhere that I'm aware of does the Bible say that God has done things the way he has for our happiness...our peace, our joy, our assurance, our righteousness, our holiness - yes; our happiness - no.
So this has had me thinking for the last couple weeks. Where did I get the impression that you're supposed to love what you do? Should you in fact love what you do, and if you don't, find something else to do? Does God sometimes use a growing sense of discontent with our jobs to move us into something else? Or am I just suffering from the grass is always greener syndrome? Do I buck up and do what I need to do with the intention of sticking with it because God is certainly using this time to remind me that I need his help, or do I buck up and do what I need to do with the intention of looking for something else in June? Why do I want to run away when things get hard? Is God using this turn in my job to get my heart ready to start having a family, or is my longing to stay home and start having babies based solely on not wanting to work anymore? Am I just lazy? I know that being a stay-at-home mom isn't easy, but it sure sounds better than what I'm currently doing. And what if when the time comes to start having a family I can't stay home for financial reasons...oh, that brings on the tears for sure. The thought of trying to be a wife and a mom and a good teacher all at the same time sounds awful. I know there are lots of women who do it, and do all three well...I just don't want to. I think that might make me a big baby who cries too many self-pitying tears.
Ugh, enough. Too many questions, no answers. What do you think? Should we love what we do? Should our happiness in the thing we spend so many hours a week doing have any swaying power or do we just grit our teeth and make the most of the weekends? God certainly uses experiences that we don't necessarily enjoy to sanctify us, so should I just get over this idea of happiness and know God is using my job to work changes in me? Is it okay to want (or maybe fantasize about!) a change?
2 comments:
hey-
i check in on your blog from time to time, but i don't know if i've commented on any of it before. this time i simply couldn't help myself. first off- the idea that marriage (or anything else) is not meant to make us happy, but rather holy- is something i read in sacred marriage years ago, and jill and i often quote it back and forth to each other during rough times in our lives. it is a hard paradigm shift to make, but the days i stay focused on that idea are the ones where i find myself the most satisfied.
as far as the teaching and wanting to stay home with babies- i can tell you this much. i am terrible about thinking the grass is always greener. which is evidenced by the fact that i remember vividly the way i that i loved my job teaching up until the year i was pregnant- and by the time i went into labor- i would have rather been doing that than teaching my 7th graders. however- now- years later- i look back on my teaching days with such fond memories and still have a longing in my very core to get back to that someday in the not so far future.
all of this is simply to say that i do feel there are times in our lives when god wants to teach us something through difficult times and to press on during "suffering," but i also think that there are times that our discontentment is there to prepare us for the next step in life or a change around the corner.
i'll leave you with this quote i heard a decade ago, and i hope it can encourage you: "your vocation is where you deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."
Marc truly was your iron sharpener. You are Blessed!
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