I am great (fantastic actually) and everybody likes me

There was a statement in an article on parenting in today's newspaper that really stood out…something to the effect of "current research has shown a strong correlation between high self-esteem and anti-social behavior…therefore what we need is a lowering of self-esteem…." Hmmm, interesting. Seems that what my generation was fed (your high self-esteem is the key to a happy, successful, and significant life) seems to have been wrong, imagine that. From the Christian point of view, that seems to be obvious…but now apparently the world is agreeing. Perhaps we aren't really worth all that high self-esteem that we thought we were. Not to say that people don't have wonderful qualities, useful, unique, even outstanding…but regardless of our talents, skills, etc., the view shouldn't be on ourselves. The aim isn't whether our self-esteem is elevated or not. And that's just based on the thought that we earn our self-esteem…and I should probably add the important detail that my generation was taught that your self-esteem is completely outside your abilities. For example, in 8th grade we had to present a portfolio of work that we'd done throughout middle school to a small group of our parents, teachers, and friends. We were instructed to put anything we were proud of in our little portfolio bag for presentation…and I distinctly remember a teacher telling us "even if a report has a grade of an F, if you're proud of it, stick it in there!" What?!? Proud of an F?! Seriously? Oh yes, seriously. Ok, so I thought the self-esteem movement was idiotic then (as a know-it-all 13 yr old) and it would appear that general society is agreeing with me now (yay for me! Just kidding, guess that would be a rather ironic statement in this particular post).
So what's my point? Well, friends, tonight I heard a speaker at a worship service talk about how we are absolutely incapable of saving ourselves…and once we have been rescued, we are still absolutely incapable of earning or paying back that rescue (Eph. 2:1-10). Why? Because we aren't enough…we are too far gone…we are prisoners of depravity, unable to free ourselves, ever. And because we don't deserve the glory of a freedom ability…When God rescues because of "the riches of his love", when he bestows his incredible mercy and grace upon us, when he sets us Free (with a capital F), he alone gets the glory. Which is as it should be…really, he's the only one who actually has a right to "self-esteem"…because he's perfect. He is what we should be. And I'm not saying that we ought to just think poorly of ourselves, "woe is me, I am so rotten", especially if he's saved us (because we're on the way then, he's in the midst of changing us) - I think CS Lewis had it right when he said that humility, practically speaking, isn't thinking badly about yourself, but rather just not really thinking of yourself at all. So as God changes us, and as we find ourselves working, it's not for our own merit. We work because God has changed our hearts…so it's never us that are owed glory from others or from ourselves. Hard words, I don't really know how to live like I think I ought to…but keeping the end in mind seems to be a start for me. In my mind's eye, I have this picture of a runner…running to the end. This picture isn't original of course, but I think I really identify with Paul referring to us as runners in a race because I like to run. I love it in fact, despite the tough battle in the middle of a run to just finish. There's something about running that makes me think of flying. Maybe I'm crazy (probably) since I know very few other people who actually enjoy running, but truly there's freedom in the movement for me. So why bring up running in the middle of a self-esteem soapbox? For me to finish a run, I have to see the end…not that the end is actually in sight, but I know it's coming eventually…so I just have to keep going. In that mind's eye picture, it's just the same…I find myself running on a mountain path, full of roots and rocks and uneven places (yes, Hind's Feet on High Places is my favorite book and I get my pictures from there)…and sometimes I run with endurance, sort of on that runner's high that allows you to just keep going without feeling like you're dying. Sometimes I want to stop and I find myself sitting on the ground, too tired to keep going. Sometimes, rarely though, I sprint…and that's the closest to flying that I come. You know when you see the finish line nearing and you run as hard as you can…heart pumping like crazy, lungs ready to burst, legs going faster than you feel like you can control, eyes focused on the finish, arms reaching, reaching, reaching for that finish line…ah, feels so good for a moment. And then the moment ends and you are completely out of breath, head beating with your rushing blood, legs like jello…but you made it to the finish and that's what matters. And the exhilaration that comes is so incredible, the realization that your legs did what you didn't quite know whether you could do. The difference between that and the runner in my heart is that my legs can't take me to the finish, and the exhilaration is completely due to the fact that God made my legs run to the end…and not only is he the fuel behind the sprint, he's the very reason for the sprint…it wasn't me at all. Sure I put my heart into it, I am going for the end with everything I've got, but my heart wouldn't go if he didn't cause it to. If he didn't rescue it and breathe life into it, and if he didn't put the desire for freedom in me, I wouldn't go.
I guess that I write this because I've been thinking about it a lot lately…thinking about how miraculously I feel like I've come alive again. How God has removed the crushing weight on my shoulders…the world is in color again and my heart is singing…and it's not because of anything that I did or didn't do, but because I've been rescued by the great love of my heart. So I guess I feel like I'm sprinting lately…and it's wonderful. A friend of mine told me last year about his struggle with timing, feeling like he sprints everything and sprinting doesn't seem to be the way to go about life. At the time, I thought he was right, because I wasn't sprinting then, and I don't even like to sprint (forgot to mention above that when I talk about sprinting the end of a run, I mean like the last 25 feet…because I am so not a sprinter). But I think I was wrong…there is merit in sprinting sometimes. I think that running with endurance is truly the best pace…and that's what it'll take to make it to the end…but maybe God has us run with everything we've got from time to time, so that we are reminded of the joy and the freedom that he's planted in us. We're reminded that the end is the focus, not the immediate situation, when we sprint because we can't sprint for very long. We're reminded that we can't do it too (no matter how good our self-esteem is!), that God must be our reason and our fuel. And maybe because sprinting is almost flying…and in the end, well, flying is Freedom.