i don't like goodbyes

Ever feel like you're reeling from a decision that you made? Even if you think that was probably a good decision, still you almost feel suprised that your decision has changed things in your life? I said goodbye to a friend a couple days ago...the kind of goodbye that means I might not ever talk to him again. Such a heavy decision, ugh. And it wasn't just mine to make, it was a mutual decision...and it wasn't out of anger or fighting, it just seemed the right thing to do. I hate it though. How do you say goodbye? How do you make your heart listen to your brain? How do you turn off hope? How do you end one part of your life, even when you're excited to see what the next part holds?
I don't know, still working on those answers.

What I do know is that God does what is good. And it seems that he allowed this friendship to end. And I think perhaps I'm starting to recognize that maybe it doesn't matter in the slightest whether I understand. Who is God that I should understand all he does? Am I so great that I can realize the purposes he has for me in the midst of the moments of pain? No, I'm not. Nor do I really even want to be...though I want desperately to understand, I don't want to fully understand God because that means he's on my level, and that's not a good thing. I don't want to serve a God who is on my level. My level isn't enough.

The thing about pain is that it IS purposeful. And "...though God wounds, he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal." That's from Job, and I have lived enough to see some truth of that in my own life. Sometimes God allows (or causes maybe) pain, but in the end He DOES bind up and heal. And in the very end, there won't be any more tears, or any more goodbyes...and that's something to look forward to with anticipation. Heaven awaits, and I must be refined to get there. So, ok, I shall be refined. After all, Heaven Awaits...