hmmm

First, a joke from a popsicle stick:
2 fish swam into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
Ha, I love that joke...inexplicably makes me laugh out loud.

So it has been awhile since I've posted anything new, sorry about that. Life has been a little wild (as usual) and even though I've actually thought of things I could put on here (most of which I have now forgotten), I haven't had the time to actually write anything. Today is special though because it is Fall Break. HALLELUJAH for Fall Break!!!! I was watching Mr. Holland's Opus yesterday and thought his line about "When I was a kid and was counting the seconds until the bell, I never realized my teachers were waiting to sprint for the door too" was quite appropriate...yes indeed, we teachers look forward to those breaks from school just as much, if not more, than the kids. (or at least I do!) Even though I actually am doing work today - grading papers, going in to school to straighten up my disaster of a room, putting grades in the computer, planning for this week, etc. - it's fine because the excitement of the day is that I do not have to see any kids! How terrible does that sound!! It's not that I don't like them so much (although I don't like the 8th graders still), it's just that I have some time to get things done without all their drama I think...

But, enough about current school (!), today is about past school. A few days ago I got a little brown envelope from my high school in the mail that contained a tape of the music I listened to my senior year and a letter (4 pages long, handwritten!) from myself. I was so curious about it as I didn't remember writing that at all...not even a smidgeon of a memory of making a tape or writing myself a letter (as surprising as me not remembering something is...ha). So on this tape I put the Cranberries, Sixpence, Goo Goo Dolls (Iris), Jimi Hendrix, Oleander, Pearl Jam, Fuel, Heart, and some Yo Yo Ma...what's funny is that a) it's a tape...because I definitely did not have cd burning capabilities in high school...and in fact my car played tapes, not cds, anyway.... and b) I still love all those bands, still listen to them on occasion, some more than others. I put in the tape today and definitely sang along to every single song...all the words...ha! As far as the letter goes, let me preface this by saying that I feel like I have changed a whole lot since high school. Not so much in my core I suppose, but as far as the way I deal with things, especially emotionally, I feel way different. Well, I was surprised by what I put in the letter. I apparently have hardly changed at all! I wrote down things like what I was taking and what I thought about my classes (hated english because "all we did was write to prepare for the stupid AP test", loved physics "surprisingly", thought A&P was the bomb, "didn't have any idea what was going on most of the time" in precal) and where I was applying for college (didn't in fact have TTU listed...must have written the letter before I visited) and that I was thinking about majors in biology or secondary education or medicine. I wrote about how much I loved my ER internship where I was a "volunteer with privileges" and had seen a code blue the previous weekend which had made me into an "instant philosopher" (ha ha) because I realized that tomorrow is guaranteed to nobody (a lady had had a heart attack at olive garden which caused her to choke on her food and stop breathing and we were not able to resuscitate her), and how all the blood (they cut her trachea to get an airway), which I cleaned up, and the fact that the lady basically died on the table didn't really affect me too much (as far as the queasy part at least) and so I was thinking maybe I could actually be a doctor. I also wrote about my various beliefs about things like abortion and Jesus and grace and forgiveness...all of which haven't changed a bit...although I definitely think my view has widened about Jesus and grace and all that...and maybe I understand a little bit more than I did then. My beliefs then were so cut and dried and completely and totally unattached to emotions...and that's different, but the beliefs themselves are the same. I actually was surprised to read how much I guess I did understand and what I thought about then because I think I've learned SO much since then. I also wrote about boys and how I "had a thing with James Hammond" which "sort of mysteriously dissolved" but that I "wasn't too sad about it so it must not be the real thing." Ha ha, that makes me laugh. I wrote "so much for the first boyfriend...the only girl I know who still hasn't been kissed." Totally unemotional about boys too...whoo, that's not the same for sure! I wrote about how I wanted to get married but how I did not want any kids, although was prepared that that might change by the time I got out of college...which is kinda funny to me. That turned out to be true, as I do in fact want to have kids someday...although I'd prefer it if they could just skip the middle school years for me (really) ha. I ended the letter saying that I had no idea where I would be in 4 years (if only I'd actually finished college in 4 years...) and that I'd handwritten the letter so I could see if my handwriting changed because "that supposedly told a lot about a person"...and lo and behold, my handwriting hasn't changed a bit. Except my signature...that has considerably less letters than it did then.
I don't really know why I wrote all of this for you friends to read...I don't think you care in the slightest what I was like in high school...but it was funny to read my letter to myself and to reminisce about high school. Funny to see how little (and how much in some areas like the boys) I've changed too. I guess it's nice to know somehow that I wasn't a total idiot in high school and that my beliefs have remained solid despite more knowledge and a wider view of life and exposure to some crazy and opposite ideas and people. Good to be reminded of that code lady too, to be reminded that I am alive today and that is good...no matter the circumstances or situations. Life to the fullest...that was my goal then, still is now too.