First, a story... Yesterday I went for a bike ride with my parents along the river. The Rio Grande runs right through the city and has a nice path alongside to ride bikes, rollerblade, horseback ride, walk, etc. etc. etc. The path (and the river) are the lowest points in town so you have a really nice view of the mountains (although really everywhere has a nice view of the mountains here!). On one side of the path is the river and lots of really old, really big cottonwood trees, on the other side are some really nice houses....we're talking millions of dollars type houses with huge yards (including putting greens and tennis courts in some). It's fun to see these houses because they're just so picturesque. Quite a few of these estates have horses and other animals too. Well, yesterday, as I'm riding along, enjoying the wind in the cottonwood tree leaves and imagining what kind of people must live in these houses, I see a llama in one of the corrals. A llama, although an unusual animal, isn't all that unusual to see at these houses...however, along side the llama I see 2 camels! Camels! Who has 2 camels for pets? Did they borrow them from the zoo? Do they ride them like people ride horses around this area? Do the camels feel like they're at an all you can eat buffet surrounded by the dead winter grass rather than desert sand? Do camels and llamas normally get along so well? Who knew an innocent Sunday afternoon bike ride could be so entertaining!
And now, on to the topic which has been on my mind for a few days...first, I have decided that Plan A, B, C, etc. on down the line (see last blog), are to be done away with. It seems like I might be better off forgetting the plans and just going wherever God seems to take me. Not to imply that I'll stop making decisions - I think God gave me a brain and interests and passions for a reason - so I'll keep trying to see where his winding road is leading me, just maybe without the official "PLAN A" marked on the top of the folder, so to speak. Second, I was at a college age church thing on Thursday night called The Well and something one of the speakers said caught my fancy. The message was about the great commission, in particular the unreached peoples of the world. In a prayer towards the end of the night, the speaker was exhorting us to be bold about telling people about Jesus because, as he put it, Jesus is our only hope of freedom. Jesus, the Hope of Freedom... The idea of Freedom has enchanted me for the last half a year or so and it is good to remember that Jesus, who I know and love, IS my key to that freedom that I so long for. And, although I think there is a measure of that freedom that can be found in this life, I don't think that true Freedom is something we know until Heaven. I don't know if that's right, just what I've been thinking about.
Finally, something that has really encouraged me: I have been reading E.M. Bounds on Prayer lately and, in a chapter on Prayer and Trust, he writes, "...Trust is not a belief that God can bless, that he will bless, but that he does bless, here and now. Trust always operates in the present tense. Hope looks toward the future. Trust looks to the present. Hope expects. Trust possesses...." So that means to me that I must trust that God is working in my life and making me who I ought to be, no matter the circumstances I find myself in...not that he can or even will do those things, but that he IS. That's amazing!
Monday, January 16, 2006
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Back to Plan A...sort of
Note: this is not written out of anger, bitterness, or self-pity...just some thoughts that have been swirling around my head lately. Nor do I hate all males...although, if you do happen to be a boy, please do not approach me in ANY other way than as a friend because boys make me cry too much.
The other day, while my best friend and I were out shopping for paper/envelopes/ribbons/etc. for her wedding invitations, she asked me what my plans were now that I'm graduated and moved home. I told her that I was going to substitute (teach) this semester and go to Africa in March...and then look for a job for the fall because I've missed the application deadlines for grad school for the fall. I also haven't taken my GRE...must do that, soon before everything I learned drops out of my head. She (her name is Sarah by the way) said, "Oh, so are you going to just find a little apartment or something here for next year?" and I answered "No, I don't think I'm going to stay here...I've been thinking about the coasts - maybe Oregon or Washington or maybe Mass-ish area. I don't really know." Sarah responded with "Hmm, so you're back to plan A then." (Plan A was that I would travel as much as possible, live all over, basically galavant across the world on my own) I said, "Yeah, I guess I am. But you know, it doesn't sound like as much fun as it used to." Sarah, always understanding what I've meant to say without me saying it, said, "Well, you did happily give up plan A for plan B...it's hard to go back." (Plan B was loving an incredible boy and going where he went)
So I've been trying to understand why it is so hard to back to plan A... because it is actually easier to be single than attached. I can go where I want, do what I want without having to think about anybody else's needs or desires. I think I'm better at being single than being attached...if that makes any sense at all...just because I have been single most of my life. I can support myself and I can take care of myself...I even have my own tool box and I know how to use the hammer and the screwdriver (ha)! I really do want to see the world and live in lots of places. Besides all that, I do trust absolutely that God will give me adventures, that my life will not lack whether I'm single or not. So why the feet-dragging attitude about plan A? I think it's because I want to share my adventures with somebody else. You know when you go on a trip and you take lots of pictures and you're so excited about them - but then you get home and nobody really wants to see them or hear the stories because they've got things to do and places to be. I don't want that. Somehow meeting and loving that incredible boy made me realize that I really want someone to be there with me, not just to hear the stories and to look at the pictures but to understand and to know...someone to adventure with me. That boy has slipped out of my grasp and I have got to get to the place where I'm content again. Just me, by myself...mostly because I can't imagine anyone else meeting, let alone exceeding, the standard of Mr. Incredible (who is still incredible, by the way, this is not meant to be an attack on him) and besides that, I could really use a break from tears and heartache. And it really is easier to be single. I really can go anywhere now... and I've always wanted to visit the Northwest - that's one part of the US that my family has never made it to. Washington has the only rain forest in North America and everyone knows what a sucker I am for rain forests : ). I've heard that Portland is a really cool town. I think Oregon might take a Texas teaching certificate too (and it would be really nice not to have to take another test). I do need sunshine and blue skies, and I might not get much of that there...but if I just go and teach for a year and apply to grad schools for 2007, then I could go elsewhere if I just hate it. Maybe I could go to grad school on the east coast. I have wanted to live in Boston or the area for a long time.
It is exciting to think about, that's for sure. It's exciting to be pretty much totally unlimited. Who knows what God has in store for my future. Ay ay ay, now if I can just get my heart to cooperate with that view too.
The other day, while my best friend and I were out shopping for paper/envelopes/ribbons/etc. for her wedding invitations, she asked me what my plans were now that I'm graduated and moved home. I told her that I was going to substitute (teach) this semester and go to Africa in March...and then look for a job for the fall because I've missed the application deadlines for grad school for the fall. I also haven't taken my GRE...must do that, soon before everything I learned drops out of my head. She (her name is Sarah by the way) said, "Oh, so are you going to just find a little apartment or something here for next year?" and I answered "No, I don't think I'm going to stay here...I've been thinking about the coasts - maybe Oregon or Washington or maybe Mass-ish area. I don't really know." Sarah responded with "Hmm, so you're back to plan A then." (Plan A was that I would travel as much as possible, live all over, basically galavant across the world on my own) I said, "Yeah, I guess I am. But you know, it doesn't sound like as much fun as it used to." Sarah, always understanding what I've meant to say without me saying it, said, "Well, you did happily give up plan A for plan B...it's hard to go back." (Plan B was loving an incredible boy and going where he went)
So I've been trying to understand why it is so hard to back to plan A... because it is actually easier to be single than attached. I can go where I want, do what I want without having to think about anybody else's needs or desires. I think I'm better at being single than being attached...if that makes any sense at all...just because I have been single most of my life. I can support myself and I can take care of myself...I even have my own tool box and I know how to use the hammer and the screwdriver (ha)! I really do want to see the world and live in lots of places. Besides all that, I do trust absolutely that God will give me adventures, that my life will not lack whether I'm single or not. So why the feet-dragging attitude about plan A? I think it's because I want to share my adventures with somebody else. You know when you go on a trip and you take lots of pictures and you're so excited about them - but then you get home and nobody really wants to see them or hear the stories because they've got things to do and places to be. I don't want that. Somehow meeting and loving that incredible boy made me realize that I really want someone to be there with me, not just to hear the stories and to look at the pictures but to understand and to know...someone to adventure with me. That boy has slipped out of my grasp and I have got to get to the place where I'm content again. Just me, by myself...mostly because I can't imagine anyone else meeting, let alone exceeding, the standard of Mr. Incredible (who is still incredible, by the way, this is not meant to be an attack on him) and besides that, I could really use a break from tears and heartache. And it really is easier to be single. I really can go anywhere now... and I've always wanted to visit the Northwest - that's one part of the US that my family has never made it to. Washington has the only rain forest in North America and everyone knows what a sucker I am for rain forests : ). I've heard that Portland is a really cool town. I think Oregon might take a Texas teaching certificate too (and it would be really nice not to have to take another test). I do need sunshine and blue skies, and I might not get much of that there...but if I just go and teach for a year and apply to grad schools for 2007, then I could go elsewhere if I just hate it. Maybe I could go to grad school on the east coast. I have wanted to live in Boston or the area for a long time.
It is exciting to think about, that's for sure. It's exciting to be pretty much totally unlimited. Who knows what God has in store for my future. Ay ay ay, now if I can just get my heart to cooperate with that view too.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Enchanted...
Friends, let me just tell you how much I love my state...
Today I was driving home (to Albuquerque) from a cabin in Cloudcroft (a little mountain town near Ruidoso)(note, please if you're a Texan, the O on the end of Ruidoso, not an A, it's an O) and, as I drove down the mountain, I was treated to view of White Sands meeting black lava with blue and purple peaks of more mountains in the background. White Sands looks like an ocean of white (the dunes look like waves from far away) and it just kind of fades back into desert out toward the north (i think...) until the desert suddenly appears black. The black is from Malpais, a big lava flow. Always, always in the background are more mountains.
I stopped at Malpais and hiked around for a little while because I'd been raging within at the situation I've again found myself in (more later on that) and I needed some air. I was reminded how much I love, love, LOVE to be outside as I wandered down a path through the lava. Malpais is like another world...black lava that has bubbled and cracked and wrinkled and completely covered everything. There are some plants growing out of the crevices and they are almost startlingly green next to the black. In a place like Malpais, it feels like there is room for my soul to expand to the depth and width that it is supposed to be... it feels like the cold air and the blue sky and the mountains in the distance are all working to clean me out, all those crannies within that get so crammed full and twisted up with junk thoughts in every day life.
I know that New Mexico is ridiculed with every breath by nearly everyone I know in TX...but you're all wrong, it's not ugly or barren, it is beautiful. The openness and the desert is lonely and really does enchant you after awhile...the colors that vary from yellow to brown to red to pink to purple to blue to white beckon somehow...the mountains and their sweet cold air and pine trees and aspens speak peace...the sound of the wind through the cottonwood tree leaves tempts the soul to dream of flying, soaring. This is a place where I can think and where dreams feel unlimited and where it seems God himself reaches down to paint my sky and the land around every sunrise and sunset. Beautiful.
Today I was driving home (to Albuquerque) from a cabin in Cloudcroft (a little mountain town near Ruidoso)(note, please if you're a Texan, the O on the end of Ruidoso, not an A, it's an O) and, as I drove down the mountain, I was treated to view of White Sands meeting black lava with blue and purple peaks of more mountains in the background. White Sands looks like an ocean of white (the dunes look like waves from far away) and it just kind of fades back into desert out toward the north (i think...) until the desert suddenly appears black. The black is from Malpais, a big lava flow. Always, always in the background are more mountains.
I stopped at Malpais and hiked around for a little while because I'd been raging within at the situation I've again found myself in (more later on that) and I needed some air. I was reminded how much I love, love, LOVE to be outside as I wandered down a path through the lava. Malpais is like another world...black lava that has bubbled and cracked and wrinkled and completely covered everything. There are some plants growing out of the crevices and they are almost startlingly green next to the black. In a place like Malpais, it feels like there is room for my soul to expand to the depth and width that it is supposed to be... it feels like the cold air and the blue sky and the mountains in the distance are all working to clean me out, all those crannies within that get so crammed full and twisted up with junk thoughts in every day life.
I know that New Mexico is ridiculed with every breath by nearly everyone I know in TX...but you're all wrong, it's not ugly or barren, it is beautiful. The openness and the desert is lonely and really does enchant you after awhile...the colors that vary from yellow to brown to red to pink to purple to blue to white beckon somehow...the mountains and their sweet cold air and pine trees and aspens speak peace...the sound of the wind through the cottonwood tree leaves tempts the soul to dream of flying, soaring. This is a place where I can think and where dreams feel unlimited and where it seems God himself reaches down to paint my sky and the land around every sunrise and sunset. Beautiful.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Well folks, it's about time
Sorry, as usual, that it's been such a long time since I've posted anything...other than quotes from other people...my mind has been on so many other things...
The exciting thing though is that I'm finally graduating! It feels so good to have finished something, and to be proud of it! The only sad part about that is that I'm leaving Lubbock (ha, laugh it up my friends, who ever thought I'd be sad to leave Lubbock!)... This last Sunday was my last Ninethirty and that was kind of bittersweet - I love my church at home and I'm excited to return there, but I have been changed forever by being a part of Ninethirty for the last 5 and a half years. I have at times been restless and have thought about visiting another church (and I actually did when I was a freshman or maybe sophomore...I don't remember) but then I think about how much I have learned about loving people at First B and how much I have learned about God as full of grace and mercy and how much I've learned about the Bible from the Ewings and from other lifestyle teachers. I have been impacted so much by the people that have loved me right from the very beginning and all the way through, especially during this summer when I had such a hard time. All that to say, I'm sad to leave. It also occurs to me that I no longer know anyone in Albuquerque (where I'm moving) besides my family and my best friend... and while I've never been one to shy away from being alone, I have come to value friendship immensely these last few years. I just didn't realize how valuable and necessary it is until lately (which sounds absolutely ridiculous, but is true). Emily and Sahala, my roommates, are so wonderful and are such good friends, it is going to be so sad to leave them. Melissa and Tyson and Makenna and Tracen have become like a second family to me and it will be really sad to not see them every week.
I am excited about new adventures and new places, very excited, just suprised by how sad I am to leave Lubbock. I always say that I like change, change is good...and I still think it is...time keeps on rolling and life goes on and the sun keeps shining, guess I gotta just get with it!
The exciting thing though is that I'm finally graduating! It feels so good to have finished something, and to be proud of it! The only sad part about that is that I'm leaving Lubbock (ha, laugh it up my friends, who ever thought I'd be sad to leave Lubbock!)... This last Sunday was my last Ninethirty and that was kind of bittersweet - I love my church at home and I'm excited to return there, but I have been changed forever by being a part of Ninethirty for the last 5 and a half years. I have at times been restless and have thought about visiting another church (and I actually did when I was a freshman or maybe sophomore...I don't remember) but then I think about how much I have learned about loving people at First B and how much I have learned about God as full of grace and mercy and how much I've learned about the Bible from the Ewings and from other lifestyle teachers. I have been impacted so much by the people that have loved me right from the very beginning and all the way through, especially during this summer when I had such a hard time. All that to say, I'm sad to leave. It also occurs to me that I no longer know anyone in Albuquerque (where I'm moving) besides my family and my best friend... and while I've never been one to shy away from being alone, I have come to value friendship immensely these last few years. I just didn't realize how valuable and necessary it is until lately (which sounds absolutely ridiculous, but is true). Emily and Sahala, my roommates, are so wonderful and are such good friends, it is going to be so sad to leave them. Melissa and Tyson and Makenna and Tracen have become like a second family to me and it will be really sad to not see them every week.
I am excited about new adventures and new places, very excited, just suprised by how sad I am to leave Lubbock. I always say that I like change, change is good...and I still think it is...time keeps on rolling and life goes on and the sun keeps shining, guess I gotta just get with it!
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
flying...
Hope
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
(Emily Dickinson)
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
(Emily Dickinson)
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Psalm 118
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
2 Let Israel say:
"His love endures forever."
3 Let the house of Aaron say:
"His love endures forever."
4 Let those who fear the LORD say:
"His love endures forever."
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.
10 All the nations surrounded me,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
11 They surrounded me on every side,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
12 They swarmed around me like bees,
but they died out as quickly as burning thorns;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
15 Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
"The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
16 The LORD's right hand is lifted high;
the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!"
17 I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
19 Open for me the gates of righteousness;
I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD
through which the righteous may enter.
21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
22 The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
23 the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
25 O LORD, save us;
O LORD, grant us success.
26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you. [a]
27 The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine upon us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up [b] to the horns of the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will give you thanks;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.
29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
his love endures forever.
2 Let Israel say:
"His love endures forever."
3 Let the house of Aaron say:
"His love endures forever."
4 Let those who fear the LORD say:
"His love endures forever."
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.
10 All the nations surrounded me,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
11 They surrounded me on every side,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
12 They swarmed around me like bees,
but they died out as quickly as burning thorns;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
15 Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
"The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
16 The LORD's right hand is lifted high;
the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!"
17 I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
19 Open for me the gates of righteousness;
I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD
through which the righteous may enter.
21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
22 The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
23 the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
25 O LORD, save us;
O LORD, grant us success.
26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you. [a]
27 The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine upon us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up [b] to the horns of the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will give you thanks;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.
29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
reminiscing the motherland
1. Is reminiscing a verb?
2. I passed my teacher tests, whoo hoo! i guess i really AM a genius! ha!
3. 1 week and 2 days left of student teaching...whew, hallelujah, praise the Lord, let me do a little jig! this has been the hardest semester ever! except for maybe when i was in 10th grade and hated everything...ha ha
4. curses on golddigger...my kids love to sing that, especially the jamie foxx part and let me just tell you, that dang song gets in your head and NEVER leaves
5. it's finally cold - which is all fine and good because i like winter clothes (not winter, just the clothes) - except that my teacher still keeps the room at -50 degrees and so i am so stinking cold by the end of the school day that it takes a good hour of slippers and hot tea and blankets and books about fire-breathing dragons before i warm up! (not that any of those things are bad, i do in fact thoroughly enjoy them)
6. I'm finally realizing that i am moving in a mere month...and that is kind of weird...and sad
7. it WILL be nice to live near mountains again though!
8. God has already begun to provide $ for Africa and I am amazed, stunned, overwhelmed, near tears every time i think of it
9. I am lonely for the motherland (that would be costa rica) lately (hence the title) ... the other day i saw some comercial that had a jeep (or some kind of car like that) driving along a beautiful beach that had a jungle-y background and thought "oh, that looks like home!" and then realized a second later, "wait just one minute, that doesn't look anything like home" (as i am from new mexico, which is wonderful and beautiful (really, don't push me, i'll throw things at anybody who says new mexico is the ugliest place on the earth, just try it), though sadly lacking in both beaches and jungles) I don't know if it's strange that i get homesick for costa rica...i did only live there 4 short months...but i loved it so and i'd love to return someday... At any rate, it was pretty weird to find myself legitimately thinking that a beach-n-jungle scene looked like 'home.'
10. that's all i have for now...this week's top ten...if you will
2. I passed my teacher tests, whoo hoo! i guess i really AM a genius! ha!
3. 1 week and 2 days left of student teaching...whew, hallelujah, praise the Lord, let me do a little jig! this has been the hardest semester ever! except for maybe when i was in 10th grade and hated everything...ha ha
4. curses on golddigger...my kids love to sing that, especially the jamie foxx part and let me just tell you, that dang song gets in your head and NEVER leaves
5. it's finally cold - which is all fine and good because i like winter clothes (not winter, just the clothes) - except that my teacher still keeps the room at -50 degrees and so i am so stinking cold by the end of the school day that it takes a good hour of slippers and hot tea and blankets and books about fire-breathing dragons before i warm up! (not that any of those things are bad, i do in fact thoroughly enjoy them)
6. I'm finally realizing that i am moving in a mere month...and that is kind of weird...and sad
7. it WILL be nice to live near mountains again though!
8. God has already begun to provide $ for Africa and I am amazed, stunned, overwhelmed, near tears every time i think of it
9. I am lonely for the motherland (that would be costa rica) lately (hence the title) ... the other day i saw some comercial that had a jeep (or some kind of car like that) driving along a beautiful beach that had a jungle-y background and thought "oh, that looks like home!" and then realized a second later, "wait just one minute, that doesn't look anything like home" (as i am from new mexico, which is wonderful and beautiful (really, don't push me, i'll throw things at anybody who says new mexico is the ugliest place on the earth, just try it), though sadly lacking in both beaches and jungles) I don't know if it's strange that i get homesick for costa rica...i did only live there 4 short months...but i loved it so and i'd love to return someday... At any rate, it was pretty weird to find myself legitimately thinking that a beach-n-jungle scene looked like 'home.'
10. that's all i have for now...this week's top ten...if you will
Saturday, November 12, 2005
waiting
sometimes i am so impatient...
today, while doing some of the study that melissa and i are doing, i learned some things about waiting and, while i'm till trying to digest what i read, it seems like putting it into writing might begin to make what i learned real. In this study, there is a story about a girl named ruth and a boy named levi...levi has asked ruth to marry him and ruth is waiting, waiting, waiting for levi to come for her. The story is a parallel of us being the bride of christ, waiting waiting waiting for him to come for us.
i am impatient like ruth in two major ways: impatient to begin my life with M and impatient to be who I want (ought) to be... being impatient for M makes me a total whiny crybaby and (i think) a heavy weight on his back...it makes me selfish and blinds me towards everybody else as i'm consumed with me...and, since i know that that isn't right and that i shouldn't feel or act the way i do, i get so frustrated because i'm not "moving along" on that path to perfection like i think i should be, because i'm not who i want to be...and i am impatient for God to change me and to make me perfect.
The study today said that waiting should be purposeful - that, as i wait, I should be 'waiting on' other people... and so i realize that, in waiting for both M and for Jesus, I am becoming who I ought to be. As I wait for M, i should be trying to become the kind of woman who would be a wife that brings honor to her husband - and this kind of wife is one who's eyes are not on herself but on others and what she can do for them...As I wait for Jesus to come for me, I am becoming the kind of bride that brings honor to Him. If I am waiting, then I'm not through yet... and i'm not just waiting, i'm waiting with the purpose of growing, changing, becoming...
Strap used to say that you should be an A+ person who looks for and marries an A+ person...and I have been frustrated by my lack of A+ness lately - but i'm realizing that, though I've found an A+ person, i (and probably he) have more to learn before we can be A+ people together - so while we wait, i should take hope in the fact that i am becoming a more fit partner for him...
Maybe waiting isn't so bad after all...
today, while doing some of the study that melissa and i are doing, i learned some things about waiting and, while i'm till trying to digest what i read, it seems like putting it into writing might begin to make what i learned real. In this study, there is a story about a girl named ruth and a boy named levi...levi has asked ruth to marry him and ruth is waiting, waiting, waiting for levi to come for her. The story is a parallel of us being the bride of christ, waiting waiting waiting for him to come for us.
i am impatient like ruth in two major ways: impatient to begin my life with M and impatient to be who I want (ought) to be... being impatient for M makes me a total whiny crybaby and (i think) a heavy weight on his back...it makes me selfish and blinds me towards everybody else as i'm consumed with me...and, since i know that that isn't right and that i shouldn't feel or act the way i do, i get so frustrated because i'm not "moving along" on that path to perfection like i think i should be, because i'm not who i want to be...and i am impatient for God to change me and to make me perfect.
The study today said that waiting should be purposeful - that, as i wait, I should be 'waiting on' other people... and so i realize that, in waiting for both M and for Jesus, I am becoming who I ought to be. As I wait for M, i should be trying to become the kind of woman who would be a wife that brings honor to her husband - and this kind of wife is one who's eyes are not on herself but on others and what she can do for them...As I wait for Jesus to come for me, I am becoming the kind of bride that brings honor to Him. If I am waiting, then I'm not through yet... and i'm not just waiting, i'm waiting with the purpose of growing, changing, becoming...
Strap used to say that you should be an A+ person who looks for and marries an A+ person...and I have been frustrated by my lack of A+ness lately - but i'm realizing that, though I've found an A+ person, i (and probably he) have more to learn before we can be A+ people together - so while we wait, i should take hope in the fact that i am becoming a more fit partner for him...
Maybe waiting isn't so bad after all...
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