Friends, let me just tell you how much I love my state...
Today I was driving home (to Albuquerque) from a cabin in Cloudcroft (a little mountain town near Ruidoso)(note, please if you're a Texan, the O on the end of Ruidoso, not an A, it's an O) and, as I drove down the mountain, I was treated to view of White Sands meeting black lava with blue and purple peaks of more mountains in the background. White Sands looks like an ocean of white (the dunes look like waves from far away) and it just kind of fades back into desert out toward the north (i think...) until the desert suddenly appears black. The black is from Malpais, a big lava flow. Always, always in the background are more mountains.
I stopped at Malpais and hiked around for a little while because I'd been raging within at the situation I've again found myself in (more later on that) and I needed some air. I was reminded how much I love, love, LOVE to be outside as I wandered down a path through the lava. Malpais is like another world...black lava that has bubbled and cracked and wrinkled and completely covered everything. There are some plants growing out of the crevices and they are almost startlingly green next to the black. In a place like Malpais, it feels like there is room for my soul to expand to the depth and width that it is supposed to be... it feels like the cold air and the blue sky and the mountains in the distance are all working to clean me out, all those crannies within that get so crammed full and twisted up with junk thoughts in every day life.
I know that New Mexico is ridiculed with every breath by nearly everyone I know in TX...but you're all wrong, it's not ugly or barren, it is beautiful. The openness and the desert is lonely and really does enchant you after awhile...the colors that vary from yellow to brown to red to pink to purple to blue to white beckon somehow...the mountains and their sweet cold air and pine trees and aspens speak peace...the sound of the wind through the cottonwood tree leaves tempts the soul to dream of flying, soaring. This is a place where I can think and where dreams feel unlimited and where it seems God himself reaches down to paint my sky and the land around every sunrise and sunset. Beautiful.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Well folks, it's about time
Sorry, as usual, that it's been such a long time since I've posted anything...other than quotes from other people...my mind has been on so many other things...
The exciting thing though is that I'm finally graduating! It feels so good to have finished something, and to be proud of it! The only sad part about that is that I'm leaving Lubbock (ha, laugh it up my friends, who ever thought I'd be sad to leave Lubbock!)... This last Sunday was my last Ninethirty and that was kind of bittersweet - I love my church at home and I'm excited to return there, but I have been changed forever by being a part of Ninethirty for the last 5 and a half years. I have at times been restless and have thought about visiting another church (and I actually did when I was a freshman or maybe sophomore...I don't remember) but then I think about how much I have learned about loving people at First B and how much I have learned about God as full of grace and mercy and how much I've learned about the Bible from the Ewings and from other lifestyle teachers. I have been impacted so much by the people that have loved me right from the very beginning and all the way through, especially during this summer when I had such a hard time. All that to say, I'm sad to leave. It also occurs to me that I no longer know anyone in Albuquerque (where I'm moving) besides my family and my best friend... and while I've never been one to shy away from being alone, I have come to value friendship immensely these last few years. I just didn't realize how valuable and necessary it is until lately (which sounds absolutely ridiculous, but is true). Emily and Sahala, my roommates, are so wonderful and are such good friends, it is going to be so sad to leave them. Melissa and Tyson and Makenna and Tracen have become like a second family to me and it will be really sad to not see them every week.
I am excited about new adventures and new places, very excited, just suprised by how sad I am to leave Lubbock. I always say that I like change, change is good...and I still think it is...time keeps on rolling and life goes on and the sun keeps shining, guess I gotta just get with it!
The exciting thing though is that I'm finally graduating! It feels so good to have finished something, and to be proud of it! The only sad part about that is that I'm leaving Lubbock (ha, laugh it up my friends, who ever thought I'd be sad to leave Lubbock!)... This last Sunday was my last Ninethirty and that was kind of bittersweet - I love my church at home and I'm excited to return there, but I have been changed forever by being a part of Ninethirty for the last 5 and a half years. I have at times been restless and have thought about visiting another church (and I actually did when I was a freshman or maybe sophomore...I don't remember) but then I think about how much I have learned about loving people at First B and how much I have learned about God as full of grace and mercy and how much I've learned about the Bible from the Ewings and from other lifestyle teachers. I have been impacted so much by the people that have loved me right from the very beginning and all the way through, especially during this summer when I had such a hard time. All that to say, I'm sad to leave. It also occurs to me that I no longer know anyone in Albuquerque (where I'm moving) besides my family and my best friend... and while I've never been one to shy away from being alone, I have come to value friendship immensely these last few years. I just didn't realize how valuable and necessary it is until lately (which sounds absolutely ridiculous, but is true). Emily and Sahala, my roommates, are so wonderful and are such good friends, it is going to be so sad to leave them. Melissa and Tyson and Makenna and Tracen have become like a second family to me and it will be really sad to not see them every week.
I am excited about new adventures and new places, very excited, just suprised by how sad I am to leave Lubbock. I always say that I like change, change is good...and I still think it is...time keeps on rolling and life goes on and the sun keeps shining, guess I gotta just get with it!
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
flying...
Hope
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
(Emily Dickinson)
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
(Emily Dickinson)
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Psalm 118
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
2 Let Israel say:
"His love endures forever."
3 Let the house of Aaron say:
"His love endures forever."
4 Let those who fear the LORD say:
"His love endures forever."
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.
10 All the nations surrounded me,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
11 They surrounded me on every side,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
12 They swarmed around me like bees,
but they died out as quickly as burning thorns;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
15 Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
"The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
16 The LORD's right hand is lifted high;
the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!"
17 I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
19 Open for me the gates of righteousness;
I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD
through which the righteous may enter.
21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
22 The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
23 the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
25 O LORD, save us;
O LORD, grant us success.
26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you. [a]
27 The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine upon us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up [b] to the horns of the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will give you thanks;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.
29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
his love endures forever.
2 Let Israel say:
"His love endures forever."
3 Let the house of Aaron say:
"His love endures forever."
4 Let those who fear the LORD say:
"His love endures forever."
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.
10 All the nations surrounded me,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
11 They surrounded me on every side,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
12 They swarmed around me like bees,
but they died out as quickly as burning thorns;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
15 Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
"The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
16 The LORD's right hand is lifted high;
the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!"
17 I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
19 Open for me the gates of righteousness;
I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD
through which the righteous may enter.
21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
22 The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
23 the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
25 O LORD, save us;
O LORD, grant us success.
26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you. [a]
27 The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine upon us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up [b] to the horns of the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will give you thanks;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.
29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
reminiscing the motherland
1. Is reminiscing a verb?
2. I passed my teacher tests, whoo hoo! i guess i really AM a genius! ha!
3. 1 week and 2 days left of student teaching...whew, hallelujah, praise the Lord, let me do a little jig! this has been the hardest semester ever! except for maybe when i was in 10th grade and hated everything...ha ha
4. curses on golddigger...my kids love to sing that, especially the jamie foxx part and let me just tell you, that dang song gets in your head and NEVER leaves
5. it's finally cold - which is all fine and good because i like winter clothes (not winter, just the clothes) - except that my teacher still keeps the room at -50 degrees and so i am so stinking cold by the end of the school day that it takes a good hour of slippers and hot tea and blankets and books about fire-breathing dragons before i warm up! (not that any of those things are bad, i do in fact thoroughly enjoy them)
6. I'm finally realizing that i am moving in a mere month...and that is kind of weird...and sad
7. it WILL be nice to live near mountains again though!
8. God has already begun to provide $ for Africa and I am amazed, stunned, overwhelmed, near tears every time i think of it
9. I am lonely for the motherland (that would be costa rica) lately (hence the title) ... the other day i saw some comercial that had a jeep (or some kind of car like that) driving along a beautiful beach that had a jungle-y background and thought "oh, that looks like home!" and then realized a second later, "wait just one minute, that doesn't look anything like home" (as i am from new mexico, which is wonderful and beautiful (really, don't push me, i'll throw things at anybody who says new mexico is the ugliest place on the earth, just try it), though sadly lacking in both beaches and jungles) I don't know if it's strange that i get homesick for costa rica...i did only live there 4 short months...but i loved it so and i'd love to return someday... At any rate, it was pretty weird to find myself legitimately thinking that a beach-n-jungle scene looked like 'home.'
10. that's all i have for now...this week's top ten...if you will
2. I passed my teacher tests, whoo hoo! i guess i really AM a genius! ha!
3. 1 week and 2 days left of student teaching...whew, hallelujah, praise the Lord, let me do a little jig! this has been the hardest semester ever! except for maybe when i was in 10th grade and hated everything...ha ha
4. curses on golddigger...my kids love to sing that, especially the jamie foxx part and let me just tell you, that dang song gets in your head and NEVER leaves
5. it's finally cold - which is all fine and good because i like winter clothes (not winter, just the clothes) - except that my teacher still keeps the room at -50 degrees and so i am so stinking cold by the end of the school day that it takes a good hour of slippers and hot tea and blankets and books about fire-breathing dragons before i warm up! (not that any of those things are bad, i do in fact thoroughly enjoy them)
6. I'm finally realizing that i am moving in a mere month...and that is kind of weird...and sad
7. it WILL be nice to live near mountains again though!
8. God has already begun to provide $ for Africa and I am amazed, stunned, overwhelmed, near tears every time i think of it
9. I am lonely for the motherland (that would be costa rica) lately (hence the title) ... the other day i saw some comercial that had a jeep (or some kind of car like that) driving along a beautiful beach that had a jungle-y background and thought "oh, that looks like home!" and then realized a second later, "wait just one minute, that doesn't look anything like home" (as i am from new mexico, which is wonderful and beautiful (really, don't push me, i'll throw things at anybody who says new mexico is the ugliest place on the earth, just try it), though sadly lacking in both beaches and jungles) I don't know if it's strange that i get homesick for costa rica...i did only live there 4 short months...but i loved it so and i'd love to return someday... At any rate, it was pretty weird to find myself legitimately thinking that a beach-n-jungle scene looked like 'home.'
10. that's all i have for now...this week's top ten...if you will
Saturday, November 12, 2005
waiting
sometimes i am so impatient...
today, while doing some of the study that melissa and i are doing, i learned some things about waiting and, while i'm till trying to digest what i read, it seems like putting it into writing might begin to make what i learned real. In this study, there is a story about a girl named ruth and a boy named levi...levi has asked ruth to marry him and ruth is waiting, waiting, waiting for levi to come for her. The story is a parallel of us being the bride of christ, waiting waiting waiting for him to come for us.
i am impatient like ruth in two major ways: impatient to begin my life with M and impatient to be who I want (ought) to be... being impatient for M makes me a total whiny crybaby and (i think) a heavy weight on his back...it makes me selfish and blinds me towards everybody else as i'm consumed with me...and, since i know that that isn't right and that i shouldn't feel or act the way i do, i get so frustrated because i'm not "moving along" on that path to perfection like i think i should be, because i'm not who i want to be...and i am impatient for God to change me and to make me perfect.
The study today said that waiting should be purposeful - that, as i wait, I should be 'waiting on' other people... and so i realize that, in waiting for both M and for Jesus, I am becoming who I ought to be. As I wait for M, i should be trying to become the kind of woman who would be a wife that brings honor to her husband - and this kind of wife is one who's eyes are not on herself but on others and what she can do for them...As I wait for Jesus to come for me, I am becoming the kind of bride that brings honor to Him. If I am waiting, then I'm not through yet... and i'm not just waiting, i'm waiting with the purpose of growing, changing, becoming...
Strap used to say that you should be an A+ person who looks for and marries an A+ person...and I have been frustrated by my lack of A+ness lately - but i'm realizing that, though I've found an A+ person, i (and probably he) have more to learn before we can be A+ people together - so while we wait, i should take hope in the fact that i am becoming a more fit partner for him...
Maybe waiting isn't so bad after all...
today, while doing some of the study that melissa and i are doing, i learned some things about waiting and, while i'm till trying to digest what i read, it seems like putting it into writing might begin to make what i learned real. In this study, there is a story about a girl named ruth and a boy named levi...levi has asked ruth to marry him and ruth is waiting, waiting, waiting for levi to come for her. The story is a parallel of us being the bride of christ, waiting waiting waiting for him to come for us.
i am impatient like ruth in two major ways: impatient to begin my life with M and impatient to be who I want (ought) to be... being impatient for M makes me a total whiny crybaby and (i think) a heavy weight on his back...it makes me selfish and blinds me towards everybody else as i'm consumed with me...and, since i know that that isn't right and that i shouldn't feel or act the way i do, i get so frustrated because i'm not "moving along" on that path to perfection like i think i should be, because i'm not who i want to be...and i am impatient for God to change me and to make me perfect.
The study today said that waiting should be purposeful - that, as i wait, I should be 'waiting on' other people... and so i realize that, in waiting for both M and for Jesus, I am becoming who I ought to be. As I wait for M, i should be trying to become the kind of woman who would be a wife that brings honor to her husband - and this kind of wife is one who's eyes are not on herself but on others and what she can do for them...As I wait for Jesus to come for me, I am becoming the kind of bride that brings honor to Him. If I am waiting, then I'm not through yet... and i'm not just waiting, i'm waiting with the purpose of growing, changing, becoming...
Strap used to say that you should be an A+ person who looks for and marries an A+ person...and I have been frustrated by my lack of A+ness lately - but i'm realizing that, though I've found an A+ person, i (and probably he) have more to learn before we can be A+ people together - so while we wait, i should take hope in the fact that i am becoming a more fit partner for him...
Maybe waiting isn't so bad after all...
Friday, October 21, 2005
gee whiz
Man, it's hard to find time to post (or look at other people's blogs) these days...student teaching is amazingly time consuming. I am looking forward to the day that I get PAID to be exhausted by teaching all day, grading/planning all afternoon, crashing into my bed as early as possible, still dragging out of bed the next morning at least 30 min. after my alarm has started ringing...
Most days I like it...a few I really hate it...
I realized today though, after teaching oxidation numbers all day long, that maybe the best aspect of student teaching in an IPC (integrated physics and chemistry) class is that not only am I learning how to teach and how to manage a classroom, but even more exciting, I am understanding for the first time ever in my life the chemistry that I have to teach. For example, never before have I understood in the slightest exactly what oxidation numbers were, how they were assigned, or what the point of knowing them would be...after teaching them today, I now know how they were assigned and why one would want to know them...and that is EXCITING for nerds like me : ).
On a weird note, I feel kind of sad and out of the loop in pretty much every friend circle I have...because I don't see many people outside of church on sunday morning and challenge on sunday night...true, I don't have much time to do anything and absolutely NO money...and I'm a terrible caller although I have been working on that most of my life (no, really)...but still, since I'm not on campus I don't see any bio friends, since I'm not at work I don't see my work buddies, since I'm not a challenge leader I'm way out of the loop in the church cliques...sad, I miss people mucho. I don't mean to sound pitiful...or even disgruntled by the "church cliques" comment - I have yet to go to a church that lacks cliques...and I have stuck with First B throughout college partly because of the people - all I mean is that I'm out of the loop and it's sad because I'll be leaving in Dec.
Ay, enough rambling already! Back to grading lab reports (ugh, sick, I hate them, no, I loathe them)...
Most days I like it...a few I really hate it...
I realized today though, after teaching oxidation numbers all day long, that maybe the best aspect of student teaching in an IPC (integrated physics and chemistry) class is that not only am I learning how to teach and how to manage a classroom, but even more exciting, I am understanding for the first time ever in my life the chemistry that I have to teach. For example, never before have I understood in the slightest exactly what oxidation numbers were, how they were assigned, or what the point of knowing them would be...after teaching them today, I now know how they were assigned and why one would want to know them...and that is EXCITING for nerds like me : ).
On a weird note, I feel kind of sad and out of the loop in pretty much every friend circle I have...because I don't see many people outside of church on sunday morning and challenge on sunday night...true, I don't have much time to do anything and absolutely NO money...and I'm a terrible caller although I have been working on that most of my life (no, really)...but still, since I'm not on campus I don't see any bio friends, since I'm not at work I don't see my work buddies, since I'm not a challenge leader I'm way out of the loop in the church cliques...sad, I miss people mucho. I don't mean to sound pitiful...or even disgruntled by the "church cliques" comment - I have yet to go to a church that lacks cliques...and I have stuck with First B throughout college partly because of the people - all I mean is that I'm out of the loop and it's sad because I'll be leaving in Dec.
Ay, enough rambling already! Back to grading lab reports (ugh, sick, I hate them, no, I loathe them)...
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
whew
So it's been a long time since I've posted...sorry about that to anyone who might read this. I will get those Africa stats up sometime soon (but not today, I forgot to bring them with me). The exciting news about Africa is that I just received an email yesterday with flight information for me - Mar. 1 I fly to Chicago, London, Nairobi Kenya and Mar. 30 I fly home! So now comes the tough part - finding funds. It's amazing that it is so difficult to ask others for money...I guess probably because it takes a lot of humbling. As someone who generally likes to be pretty independent, I hate to write those letters asking for help! I am going to have to be dependent on God's provision of money for this adventure though and that means humbling myself enough to ask others! Besides that, anyone who might want to fund my trip and everyone who prays for my trip is actually taking part in the trip which is really cool. I guess the point of fellowship with other believers is that we stick together, help each other out, walk through life in support of each other... and that's pretty great!
On another note, the reason I have been posting so few and far between is that student teaching has gotten to the c-razy point! I have started the "full teach" part of the semester which means I plan, teach all day, design all lesson plans, grade all papers, etc. etc. and it is absolutely amazing how exhausted I am every day! I like it most of the time, like it a lot in fact, but still, this is really tough. On Saturday I took my 2 tests to become certified and I am praying that I passed! The science test (over chemistry, physics, geology, astronomy, meteorology, cell biology, genetics, ecology, and science teaching methods) was REALLY HARD!!! and the teacher test was just weird... wow, I hope I passed, I do not want to do that again! All together almost 5 hours of testing, 220 questions (130 of which were science). I guess that's really just a warm-up for the GRE that I'll be taking in the spring sometime, but still, ay ay ay! Ha, at least it's over...
On another note, the reason I have been posting so few and far between is that student teaching has gotten to the c-razy point! I have started the "full teach" part of the semester which means I plan, teach all day, design all lesson plans, grade all papers, etc. etc. and it is absolutely amazing how exhausted I am every day! I like it most of the time, like it a lot in fact, but still, this is really tough. On Saturday I took my 2 tests to become certified and I am praying that I passed! The science test (over chemistry, physics, geology, astronomy, meteorology, cell biology, genetics, ecology, and science teaching methods) was REALLY HARD!!! and the teacher test was just weird... wow, I hope I passed, I do not want to do that again! All together almost 5 hours of testing, 220 questions (130 of which were science). I guess that's really just a warm-up for the GRE that I'll be taking in the spring sometime, but still, ay ay ay! Ha, at least it's over...
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