getting seasick

Well, sad news in the baby fras world lately...
First, my parents took my little sister to art school in cali this week. Not that that's sad because I'm way excited for Hani (that'd be the sister) to go to Oxbow this semester - it is going to be such a great experience and it will be so good for her future in art. The sad part is that I miss her a lot already! Han and I have become pretty great friends over the last few years and it's been nice to be around for the last month...but alas, now she's all grown up and gone off to school, sniffle sniffle. Oh well, guess that's the way life goes, that whole growing up and moving away thing...I certainly did it and will probably be doing so again sometime in the near future.

The other sad news is that my dog got out our gate and hasn't come home yet...he got out yesterday morning when I put him and our other dog out for breakfast and then went to work. The new dog, Lola, was waiting for us at the front door. The old dog, Jesse, is nowhere to be found. The really sad part is that he's pretty lame - really bad hips, pretty deaf (don't know if he can hear the cars coming!), got cataracts (probably can't really see the cars either), and has got all kinds of tumors growing on the inside (we think - he's just kind of ... lumpy...these days)... so what I'm saying is, he's basically helpless. He's always come home before when he's gone on a little adventure so I'm worried! Poor Jesse, I want to save you! We've had ol' Jesse for somewhere around 12 years I think so he's really a family member... and he's so old and decrepit lately, I kinda doubt he can fend for himself very well.

So, about that seasick thing (see title), I've decided that hard things in life are a little, maybe a lot, like body surfing in big waves. Sometimes you jump just right and find yourself on the crest of the wave, either floating over or swimming towards the shore effortlessly. The crest times are the good times. Other times you find yourself in the trough, desperately trying to wipe the salt out of your eyes before another wave comes and pummels you, swirling you around in wild water that doesn't have a distinguishable up or down... Sometimes you were on a crest and then, suddenly, you're in the trough and you don't even really know how you got there and you just can't quite jump high enough to catch the waves that keep crashing over your head. That seems to be the way my life (or outlook on it) has gone for the last month and a half...or maybe the last year and a half, I don't really know. What I do know is that I have been absolutely longing for some peaceful waters lately. There was a beach in Panama that had the stillest water I've ever seen in the ocean...normally you wouldn't think still water in the ocean is very desirable, but there was one night that I spent floating (the water was salty enough that floating was basically effortless) for probably an hour or more, watching the sky change from blue and clouds to gold and purple and beautiful sunset to stars and black...just floating, thinking, watching the sky, praying... and in my mind that memory is what I think of when I think of complete and utter peace. And at the moment, I want out of these crazy waves and into that still ocean, I want to float, not struggle, I want the salt to get out of my eyes! I don't want to be seasick anymore!