62 degrees and sunny

The other day Marc and I were playing around with the different Wii channels and discovered that it was warmer in Antarctica (5 deg) than Minneapolis (2 deg) according to the weather channel. I've been a little bit whiny lately about the cold and semi-gray skies, wishing for sunshine and warmth, but then I talk to my sister who lives in Minneapolis and realize what a ludicrous complaint I have! All that to say that I have really enjoyed the warmth and sun today. I'll take 62 over the mid-30's any day! And I probably couldn't hack it in a place with "real" winters (like Minneapolis) for more than a vacation. I am a pansy, that's all there is to it.

On another note (almost as random, but not quite), I've been thinking about fear a lot lately. I've fought fear all of my life...as one who is prone to timidity, there have been times in my life where I've been nearly ruled by fear. Afraid of the dark, afraid of the shadows, afraid of the bad guys. Sometimes though, it seems like there is a little bit of an abatement in Fear. I'm not sure what happens to cause that, but it's like I can relax for some months, not thinking about what I'm afraid of. For the last several months, I've been in that relaxed state. Probably a lot of it has to do with being married because I feel like I have a protector now. The few nights that Marc has had to work all night, I've been a little freaked out, but still not nearly as bad as it has occasionally been in the past. Well, we watched the movie "The Brave One" last weekend and it has made me think about fear again. In the movie Jodie Foster and her fiance are mugged and her fiance is beaten to death. She responds by becoming a vigilante of sorts. It was a pretty good movie, brutal and terribly sad, but I enjoyed it as much as you can enjoy a flick like that. But it's made me think about how I would respond if Marc died unexpectedly. I have no idea. It's also made me think about the fact that there are bad guys out there, and they couldn't care less whether you're a good guy, or you're really happy, or you were just minding your own business. The incredible thing is that God has blessed me with a relationship in which I can relax in. I tend to stay away from scary movies because I just replay and replay and replay in my head. So the other night I was laying in bed awake, replaying horrible scenes from the movie. I think I must have been tossing and turning, praying that God would help me quiet my mind enough to go back to sleep, and Marc stirred. All he did was roll over and put his arm around me, and it was instant warmth, comfort, protection. I think I fell asleep pretty immediately. How incredible it is that here I've been struggling my whole life to beat back fear, praying a lot about it, trying to be smart in scary situations, but still trying to take the responsibility for beating it on my own shoulders, and God has let me struggle, but now he's given me an antidote. Over the last 6 months it continually occurs to me that God let me struggle for awhile, but now he's said "Rest. It's ok, I've got it." And because of the struggle, and the infinitely closer relationship with my God that resulted, this rest is incredible. INCREDIBLE!